8 Carry on Wayward Road: In The Beginning There Was Darkness
by skyyador
Summary: A continuation to the Wayward Soul series we follow Winchester's lives through a hunt that takes Dean back to the beginning, deaging his memories, leaving Sam to pick up the pieces. Normal warning tags for me: noncon rape, child abuse, suicidal ideation, self injury, and as always lots of hurt!Dean. Hope everyone enjoys. EDITED for minor corrections and paragraph length
1. Chapter 1

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 1

The night was darker than usual. The moon, hidden behind the clouds that filled the sky. There wasn't even a star in sight, they all seemed to know the dangers that lurked and were too scared to be seen. The clouds their safety in the night sky.

The wind, slightly blowing, it was a cold wind, the type that would send shivers down your spine. The last of the leaves, barely hanging onto the trees that once gave them life. The grass had begun withering, turning from the luscious green it once held, to a dark brown.

It had once stood proud holding its head high, now with the cold taking over, it drooped to the ground, ashamed it couldn't show the beauty it once held. The wild flowers that once danced in the sun left a long time ago.

In the middle of the dying nature there stood an old home, that had taken its beauty from the human life and was giving it back to the nature that lovingly surrounded it. The exterior had become one with the vines that twisted and turned, making the cracks and crevasses home for its roots to grow.

The newly birthed trees, finding refuge in the naked floor, growing their way into the wood that was once one of them, greedily taken for human use. The floors were uneven as their roots pushed and forced their way through the surface as they stretched their legs to grow.

The windows, shattered from fallen limbs that cracked and fell from the older trees who were giving into their age. The roof, giving the seeds that fell from above a spot to sprout their wings and hide what nature was taking back from the ones who once took it from them.

The rooms inside were dark, only the small light coming from the flashlight lit the way. Anxiety rising, fear of the unknown. Fear of what could lie ahead. The house was quiet, too quiet. The sounds of nature were hushed. The creatures who lived in the surrounding area, making their presence known at night, were quieted by the rising fear.

The only sound was the wicked sound of the wind blowing through the air, and the creaking as the pressure punished what was no longer wanting to be used as a floor.

Dean, quietly and carefully, rounded the corner, entering the room. His flashlight showing what was in front of him, his gun, raised and ready for action. He fanned the light around the room, lighting every wall and corner. Keeping his breath as even as possible, trying to quiet the thumping of his heart.

The room was empty. A silent sigh of relief filled his soul as he made his way through the room, heading for the door, opposite the one he just entered, making his way to the remaining rooms. The belongings that were left in the home had started becoming one with nature, the same as the structure that sheltered them.

The grass, drooping in shame, made a home on the old couch. Dirt that the wind, so generously, blew through the shattered windows, giving the roots a place to call home. The chair that sat in the corner, no longer anything but springs and a wooden shell, forgotten by the ones who once loved it. The moss had taken over, giving it comfort as it sat alone.

The wind made its presence known as it sent a shiver through Dean's bones, causing him to momentarily stop and pull his jacket around his chin, protecting his body from the harsh breeze. He inched his way toward the door, pausing beside the wall to calm his breathes and silent his heart.

His eyes followed the light, making sure the hallway was clear, before making his way into one of the rooms. The first room in the hallway was empty, with the exception of a single picture hanging on the wall. It was an old picture of a family, in a wooden frame.

The dad had a white shirt, with buttons on the front, and a fluffy collar and cuffs on his sleeves, he had red and brown plaid pants that matched the little boy's outfit that sat on his lap. The mother wore a straight red polyester dress with her hair pulled into a bun, the little girl who stood in front of her had long brown hair and wore a brown dress, matching the style of her mother's.

The picture had started becoming part of nature, like the rest of the house. The spiders had found refuge from the cold in the corners of the frame. The dust that coated it, almost as thick as the webs. The old, wooden paneled walls, covered with equally as much dust and dirt that had blown in from the windows over the years.

Dean made his way back into the hall, careful of every step he made, quieting every sound that his steps would take. The second room in the hall held an old metal bed, the mattress on it, much like the chair, had withered away and only the old metal springs remained.

It wasn't even suitable for the wild creatures to find safety. The spiders, found it home as well. Thick webs covered every inch between the springs, undisturbed from human contact. Dean shuttered again as the wind blew a cold chill through his bones, at the same time as he noticed the fading color of what was once a large blood stain on the floor. Knowing this must have been the boy's room, where he was once murdered, many years ago. Again, the room was empty from what he was looking for.

He calmed his body from the shivers and slowed his breaths from the burning in his lungs that had started due to the cold air he was breathing in. He made his way back into the hallway, quickly checking the bathroom, what was once the normal belongings in the room were cracked and broken, shattered much like the glass in the windows, giving way for the greediness of nature to find home in the brokenness that was abandoned.

Once, Dean was satisfied, knowing there was only one room left in the hallway, he made his way out of the room, drawing in a deep breath as he made his way to the last room.

The door was closed. It sat at the end of the hall, like a dead-end road. Dean placed his hand on the door, prepared to push it open, when his heart started beating faster. Something didn't feel right, he had been doing this long enough, he knew to trust a feeling like this.

He was standing too close to the door, he thought maybe he saw something, but wasn't sure. He couldn't see the shadow that crossed the space between the door and the floor, didn't see the flicker of light. He readied his gun, and pushed the door open, prepared to shoot whatever was giving him the feeling that had filled his chest.

Suddenly, without warning, a bright light shined, blinding him instantly, as an unseen force threw him through the air, crashing him through the weakened wall across the hall. He had fallen into the boy's room, laying on the discolored spot that once pooled the blood of a young victim. As he hit the ground, his gun went off, shooting into the air. It didn't take long before the unseen force was on top of him, crushing his chest.

Dean cried out in pain as he felt what could only be described as someone, or something, reaching inside his chest, squeezing his heart, while stopping the air from entering his body, quieting his cries. It only took what seemed like a quick moment for the darkness to fill his vision. His hearing muffled, like he was under water, his head felt like he was floating. Then, nothing. Complete numbness. No sound, no sight, no feelings.

Sam had made his way up the stairs that threatened to collapse at any moment. The hand rails were gone, they had fallen to the floor beneath them, longing to be part of nature again as the vines wrapped themselves around them, hugging them, welcoming them back to where they once had come from.

Sam's heart was beating fast, feeling like it was going to jump out of his chest. His gun, like his brother's, aimed and ready for whatever waited for him. The light in his hand was the only image he had in front of him. He quickly pushed the door opened that met him at the top of the stairs. It was one large room. He scanned it with his light, finding it empty.

The room held a rug that had become part of the floor. There were holes in the roof as it rotted away and the weight of the life living above it had placed too much pressure on its gentle frame, threatening to collapse at any time. In the corner of the room was a large doll house, one that was homemade, filled with furniture that had become home for the spiders and bugs who found comfort in it. The little wooden doll that sat on the floor in front of the house seemed sad, she seemed to know she had been left, forgotten, abandoned from life.

Beside the doll house was an old wooden car, with wooden, square wheels. The walls had made home for moss as the rain and snow over the years left it soggy and crumbled. An old hook on the wall held some old, rusted hangers, what was left of the clothing that was once loved, barely hung on to them. They had been chewed, making nests for the animals that needed their warmth. What was left was decayed, crumbling at the slightest touch.

At the end of the large room there was a door that led into a storage room. Sam, careful not to fall through the floor, made his way to the door, pushing it opened, prepared to shoot whatever was behind it, found nothing. The room was full of old boxes. They appeared to be belongings and toys that once belonged to the boy of the home.

He was murdered, in his own room, over 50 years ago, causing his family to move, leaving the home they had known, out of fear. No one ever found out who, or what, had killed the boy. He wasn't shot, if anything, it was a wild animal attack, but the boy's door was closed, and there was no sign of animals that had been in the home.

The family feared for their daughter and left in a hurry, leaving a few forgotten belongings. But, to Sam, it seemed they had meant to leave the items in this room. The boxes had been destroyed by the weather long ago, but the items remained. The old school books the boy once used were damaged from the weather, unreadable. The old cars and trucks that he once played with had rusted and started becoming one with the nature that was taking over.

Sam had gotten lost in his own mind, reminiscing on the items in front of him, thinking of the family who lost everything, and never knew why. Never found out what had happened to their once, normal boy. He was jolted from his thoughts when he heard a loud crash, followed by a painful scream from his brother.

The scream was short lived, by the time he had made it to the stairs it had stopped, but that didn't stop the feeling Sam had, the one that told him something was wrong. He was much less careful on his way down the stairs, a decision he quickly regretted, as his leg fell through a rotten step, causing him to fall forward.

His only saving grace, to keep him from tumbling down the unforgiving stairs was the fact that his leg was hung in the hole it had created. Sam struggled to pull himself up, resting safely on a sturdy part of the stairs and forcing his leg out of the threatening step.

The pain shot through his body like a hard blow. He was sure it was broken somewhere between his ankle and his knee. He wasn't sure if his ankle was broken or just severely sprained. He had a long-jagged cut that was sliced down his leg, pouring blood from it, soaking his jeans, pooling into his shoe.

Sam's painful cries got the attention of the force that was torturing his brother. It made its way to Sam. He didn't see it, he felt a cold shiver run down his bones, and a feeling that something was about to happen. He raised his gun, aiming at the stairs, he let off a shot, yelling at whatever was around him.

He couldn't see it, but he knew he could feel it. He knew, for his own safety, he needed to get down the stairs. He used the wall to help pull himself to a standing position. And, allowing his right, injured, leg to drag behind him, he braced himself against the weak wall and made his was down the stairs. Out of all the times the rails were gone, this was one time he had wished they were there. He needed them for support, and safety.

He was almost there, almost to the bottom, just 3 more steps, when the feeling came back. Suddenly, he was thrown from the step he was on, off the side of the stairs and onto the unforgiving floor. His gun, still in hand, sent off a shot into the air, pointing at the direction the force came from. He heard a screeching sound. He had hoped he hit it, hoped he killed it. He sent another shot into the air in the same direction, followed by another high pitched, painful, screeching sound, that pierced his ears, causing his ears to ring and making everything sound muffled.

He lowered his gun a little, keeping it in the same direction and quickly sent off 2 more shots, both followed by the same screams, each one a little louder, and worse, than the one before.

A bright light suddenly shined in front of Sam, it was in the direction he had been shooting. He threw his arm up to cover his eyes, the light kept getting brighter until it seemed to explode. Sam forced himself up on his elbows, looking at where he had been shooting, where the light had come from, and saw what looked like a large burnt spot on the floor.

It looked exactly like what Sam had seen, like something exploded. He collapsed his body back onto the floor, giving a sigh of relief. He was sure he had just killed it, whatever it was. They weren't even sure what it was. They had hit a dead end everywhere they looked. All they knew was for the past 6 months, any kids that went into the woods, ended up dead, the same injuries as the boy that lived in this home.

It had been Dean's idea to come here. He was tired of running into so many dead ends in the research. He suggested they go to the source, investigate, see what they could find, if anything. He had even joked that maybe Sammy wouldn't make it out alive since he could act like such a child. That remark left him with a much-deserved punch to the shoulder that felt like anything but a child's punch.

Dean! Sam shot up, he had to find his brother. He remembered hearing the loud crash and painful scream coming from him. He tried, but couldn't get his body to cooperate. He had hit his head when he was thrown to the ground, he had an undeniable pounding that wouldn't go away, and the loud screeching from that thing didn't help it any.

He knew he had a concussion, that went without saying. He felt lightheaded and nauseated. All he wanted to do was close his eyes and rest, if even just for a few moments, maybe that would help the pain go away, but he knew he couldn't, he had to find his brother.

His leg was beyond being of any use, the pain had radiated up his leg, leaving a throbbing from his toes to his hip. His back felt bruised and sore from the force he had hit the ground with. He decided, his best bet would be to try to scoot himself across the floor, he knew he couldn't walk.

"Dean! DEAN!" Sam cried out, hoping maybe his brother was in better shape than he was and he wouldn't have to try to move. But, with no reply, and the feeling that was bubbling in his chest, he knew he had to find him.

Scooting himself across the floor proved to be more of a challenge than he expected. The roots from the trees and the split wood that left the floor uneven was relentless against his body. He was unable to have any control over his injured leg, unable to maneuver it around the obstacles he came across.

He couldn't do this, not as quickly as he thought he could. He didn't know if he would ever locate his brother if he had to keep taking breaks from the increasing pain that was filling his body. He even entertained the thought of cutting his leg off, sure that would stop the pain. He laughed at himself, thinking the concussion and pain was making him delirious.

It felt like forever before he finally reached the doorway that led to the hall. Calling for his brother again, he still received no answer.

Sam had stopped trying. He had to rest. The pain from his leg and his head seemed to radiate and meet somewhere in the middle, leaving his entire body feeling like it was throbbing. He had left lacerations on him from sliding across the floor. Between the fresh cuts and the deep laceration on his leg, the blood streak he left across the floor was undeniable.

The nausea built as he noticed how much blood he had lost. Using the wall and door frame, he pulled himself up so he was sitting with his back against the wall. An act his head did not thank him for. He removed his shirt and used it to tie around his leg, making a pressure bandage to slow the bleeding.

He knew with the cold night only becoming colder, he would need to keep as much blood as he could to help him stay warm. He still wasn't sure where his brother was or what condition he was in, especially since he wasn't answering Sam as he called his name.

He tried to call for him again, still no answer. The cold air had made his throat dry and he was finding it hard to call out for his brother. The burning in his lungs told him he needed to find him soon and get them to a warm sheltered area, away from the harshness of winter night.

Where he sat, he scooted himself around the doorframe and into the hall, giving him a clear view. He noticed the room on the right, the wall was broken down, he quickly wondered if that was the crash he had heard. The other 2 rooms and the bathroom's doors were all opened, he had decided he would check the room with the missing wall first, but had to pass one room on his way, so, from the hall, he would glance in to make sure he didn't see his brother. He was running low on energy and knew he needed to keep what little he had left.

After taking another moment to catch his breath and prepare himself for the pain he knew was coming, he slumped his body back to the ground and used his arms and good leg to pull himself across the floor. He didn't see his brother in the empty room as he passed it, but it didn't take him long to see the motionless body laying on the floor, Sam was right, it had looked like Dean was thrown through the wall.

With the force Sam felt throwing him off the stairs, he knew how strong this thing was, and how much damage it was capable of doing. His heart jumped in his throat, catching any air that tried to enter or leave his body. There Dean laid, just feet away, as he inched his way closer. He was motionless. Sam wasn't even sure if he could see his brother's chest rise and fall.

There was a pool of blood surrounding Dean's head. No doubt, from the force of the fall. Sam noticed, Dean didn't just go through the paneling on the walls, he had left broken boards where he was pushed. His body had completely torn down every board that held the wall together. They remained under his body, where he had fallen.

"Dean!"

Sam knew he wouldn't get a response, but had to try anyhow. Once he reached his brother, he was finally able to breath again, feeling a weak, but steady pulse and, even though he couldn't see his brother's chest rising, he could see the clouds of breath as his warmth met the coldness in the air.

Once he knew his brother was alive, a sudden helplessness filled him. Sam wasn't sure what to do. They weren't sheltered very well, and the night kept getting colder, he grabbed Dean's flashlight that laid beside him, flickering it on he shined it on the window, noticing the light snow flakes that had started falling.

Sam knew he was in no condition to get both him and his brother out of the house and back to the car, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn't get Dean to respond to him.

After looking around the room, in a bit of panic, he noticed a small closet. A wave of relief fell over him, knowing, hoping, that would hold the shelter they needed to make it through the night. Without much strength, or energy left to investigate it then come back for Dean, he had drug Dean across the floor with him.

It wasn't ideal, and he could only imagine how much his brother would hurt from sliding off the boards that laid under him if he were awake. Once Sam had made it to the small closet, he was shivering, his body was shaking uncontrollably, from the blood loss and the coldness that had sunk into his bones.

He maneuvered Dean until he was inside the closet, he then laid Dean's flashlight beside him. It had taken a little more effort than Sam expected, but he was eventually able to pull the closet door closed as he joined his brother. It was small, almost too small for the both of them, but it was shelter, and they needed to be close anyhow, so Sam didn't mind the cramped space.

He did a little more shuffling around, and held Dean with his head leaned against Sam's chest, and his body laying between his legs. Sam leaned Dean on his side so he wasn't against his injured leg. That was the best he could do. They were both curled up, unable to straighten their legs in the tiny space. Sam's leg screamed from the pain of the forced position, but, he wasn't sure what was screaming louder, his leg or his head.

He had quickly looked over Dean's head, thankful that it appeared the bleeding had mostly stopped. He wasn't able to assess him for further injuries, he figured that would have to wait until morning, when it was lighter, and maybe his brother would be conscious by then.

He leaned his head against the wall behind him. He wasn't comfortable having to sit straight up, his back against the wall, but it was the only way they could fit. It didn't seem to matter, anyhow. Without even realizing it, perhaps it was the concussion or maybe just pure exhaustion, Sam was asleep within a matter of moments once his body was able to still.

He didn't know what the morning held for them, or if the morning would even come for them. But, he at least knew, he had done everything he could for the both of them giving what he had to work with. He just hoped they would both be able to see morning, that this wouldn't be the way their bodies were found, injured, frozen together, curled in a closet, the only shelter they could find.


	2. Chapter 2

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 2

 _Dean stood outside their family home. He was only a 4 year old little boy, but he was tough, he was a big boy. He was as tough and big as his daddy. He held his baby brother in his arms. It was a cold night._

 _He had him bundled up in a warm blanket, he knew how to take care of his baby brother. His mom had taught him, Dean insisted that he knew everything about how to take care of his brother. He was the big brother after all, and it was his job to make sure he was taken care of._

 _The flames were bright, it lit up the night sky. He wanted his daddy. He wanted his mommy. He had never felt so confused. He didn't know what his mom was doing on the ceiling, or how she had gotten there. He had tried, but could never seem to climb the walls high enough to make it before he fell._

 _His mom must be like Spider-man with wall climbing powers. Was Dad going to be like Batman and save his mom from the bad guy?_

 _Suddenly his dad's big, strong arms lifted him up as he held tight onto his baby brother and swiftly turned and ran away from their home as a loud boom rang out._

 _That made Baby Sammy start crying. Dean didn't want his brother to cry. He had to take care of him, make him stop crying, but he couldn't. He couldn't because he was too scared to be able to do anything._

 _He didn't know what was going on. He didn't see his mommy anywhere. He wanted to ask his dad if he had saved her, or if she finished climbing the walls and was waiting for them on the roof, but Sammy's crying was so loud, and now there were sirens too._

 _John took Sam from Dean's arms, assuring him that it was okay when little Dean was hesitant to let him go. Dad got Sammy to stop crying. But, the sirens were all so loud, and all the lights that were flashing was brighter than the flames._

 _People were running everywhere, the firemen had hoses running to the house, trying to stop the flames. The ambulance people seemed nice but wouldn't stop asking them if they were okay. John had some small burns where he had tried to save Mary._

 _He handed Sam back to Dean while they put some cream and bandages on John's arm. Dean watched, it looked like it hurt. Sam had started crying again. Once they were finished, John took him back, quieting the baby once more._

 _Dean stayed close to his dad. They sat on the trunk of his dad's car. Dean was wide eyed, watching everything that was going on as fear raised in him._

 _He heard his dad and a cop talking. He still didn't see his mom anywhere. He was looking for her, expecting her to come and comfort him. She always knew what he was feeling, even when he didn't want anyone to know._

 _He was a good pretender, and always pretended to be happy, but sometimes he wasn't and his mom always knew when he was or wasn't. But, the best thing was, his mom always knew how to fix him. She always seemed to know exactly what he needed to feel better._

 _When he was sick, she knew exactly how to make him better, when he was scared she could calm his fears. If he got hurt, she had healing powers, but, best of all, she knew exactly how to get him to fall asleep, even if he wasn't sleepy. So, where was she? His heart hurt and he was scared, he needed her to fix it. He needed her healing powers._

" _I wasn't able to save her."_

 _Dean heard his dad tell the cop as he started to cry. What did he mean he wasn't able to save her? Had she saved herself?_

" _I'm sorry Mr. Winchester, at least you and your boys got out alive."_

 _Alive? What did he mean by alive? Of course, they were alive. They were all alive. Why would he even think they weren't?_

" _I… I don't know what happened. I heard the baby crying and went to check on him and then there was this fire that started. The commotion woke my oldest boy, I was able to grab the baby and hand him to my oldest, telling him to get out of the house, but my wife, Mary, she was trapped. I tried, but I couldn't get to her. I couldn't save her." John had tears streaming down his face._

 _Trapped? Trapped? His mom was trapped? He couldn't get to her? Couldn't save her? Where was his mom? All he wanted at that moment was his mommy. All he needed was his mommy. He didn't understand, the firemen were going to get her out, right? They would help her, they would get her un-trapped. That's what they did, they saved people from fires. They made them not be trapped anymore._

" _Mr. Winchester, I just want you to be prepared, when your wife's body is located, there probably won't be much left of it, nothing for you to be able to see. That fire is really hot, they may not find a body at all."_

 _Body? Find? What? What did he mean there would be nothing left? Where would she be? Why wouldn't he be able to see his mom? He needed her to hug him, needed her to hold him, to let him know everything would be okay. And Sammy. Who would take care of him? He needed their mom too._

 _Once the fire was out, John put Sammy in his car seat and buckled him in the car. He told Dean they would be staying at a motel that night. He wasn't exactly sure what a motel was, but it sounded fun._

 _He instructed him to stay with his baby brother, that he was going to go get somethings out of the house, but it wasn't safe for Dean or Sam to go inside. Good! Dean thought, he was going back inside to get Mom, she would probably like staying at the motel too._

 _He wasn't sure if she had ever been to this place his dad told him about. It sounded like it would be like a sleep over. They all get to share a room and there's a tv there too!_

 _Dean waited patiently for his mom and dad to return. Sam was asleep in his car seat. Dean figured he was tired from all the activity that took place earlier in the evening. He heard the trunk open, and his dad put some belongings in there then closed it. After a quick conversation with someone who was outside, maybe a cop, or fireman, or even his mom, his dad sat behind the wheel in the driver's seat._

 _Dean waited patiently for his mom to sit in her seat beside his dad. But, instead, his dad started the engine and drove away. Dean sat wide eyed. Looking out the window at the house, he didn't see his mom anywhere. Was she with one of the cops, or maybe she decided to stay and check out the firetruck. But, why wouldn't she be leaving with them?_

 _Then Dean remembered the cop telling his dad they wouldn't be able to see her. Did she have powers that made her invisible too? Wow! He had the coolest mom ever!_

 _It didn't take them long to reach the motel. His dad told him to stay in the car and watch Sammy as he went inside and talked to someone standing behind a desk, like a cashier or something like that. Then his dad returned, and drove them around the building, parking the car and told Dean this is where they would be staying._

 _Dean, got out, being as big as his dad was, he helped carry the bags inside while John got Sam out of the car, once inside, John returned to the car for the rest of the items. Sam stayed in the car seat until his dad returned._

 _Once everything was set up he asked Dean to make him a bottle. John had never really made one before but he knew Dean had. He took Sammy out of the car seat and fed him the bottle that Dean had made, then changing his diaper he laid him in the pack-n-play he had brought from the house, it didn't take long for the little one to close his eyes and go back to sleep._

 _Dean sat on the edge of the bed furthest from the door. He was scared. He wondered when his mom was going to come. He figured he would wait up till she got there._

" _Dean, you need to go to sleep!"_

 _John sounded angry. Dean wasn't used to the tone he used. He figured it was because he was just tired, so Dean crawled under the covers, laying his head on the pillow, he was convinced he was going to stay awake till his mom got there._

" _FINE! If you're not going to close your eyes and go to sleep, then you watch your brother. I'll be back later." John said as he stood, grabbed the car keys and opened the door. Turning to his oldest son before stepping out, "I have a key, don't open the door for anyone." His dad added, then closed the door behind him._

 _Dean wondered if Mom had a key too. He hoped so, since he wasn't allowed to open the door. He figured maybe that's where Dad had gone, maybe he went back to the house to get Mom._

 _This place wasn't nearly as exciting as he thought it would be. If this is what sleep overs were like, then he didn't ever want to go to one. This was scary. He was all alone, well Sammy was there, but there wasn't anyone older. His mom and dad were both gone and they hadn't left a babysitter. What if Sammy woke up? He guessed he'd have to take care of him if that happened. But maybe Mom would be back before he woke? Dean had hoped so._

 _He didn't remember falling asleep. But he got woken up by a loud noise. He was instantly scared, it even woke Sammy, he started crying. Dean looked around the room but the only person he saw was his dad. Mom wasn't there yet. He wondered where she was, what was taking so long._

" _Shut that kid up!" John slurred at Dean._

 _Dean jumped up and grabbed his brother out of his bed and held him close, trying to comfort him, trying to let his presence tell his baby brother that everything was okay._

 _His dad was walking funny. He kept bumping into things and was doing this funny thing with his arms while he walked to the bathroom. Dean laid Sam back down once his crying quieted and made him another bottle._

 _He was still scared. He was scared of the way his daddy was acting and he was scared because his mommy wasn't there to fix this. She wasn't taking his fear away. He picked up Sam, laying him in bed beside him, and started feeding him his bottle. His dad made it back from the bathroom and sat, hard, on his bed, sitting across from where Dean was feeding Sam._

" _Your mom isn't coming back, you know that, right?"_

 _John's words only confused Dean. Why wouldn't she be coming back? Had he done something wrong? Did she not love him anymore? He tried to be a good boy, he really did._

" _She burned up, in the fire. They can't even find much of her burned up body. She's nothing but a damn pile of ashes."_

 _John spit the words out. His tone filled with anger. Dean's thoughts must have been showing on his face, his confusion evident._

" _She's dead! YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD!"_

 _John yelled, causing Sam to start crying again and Dean to jump._

 _Dead? Not coming back? No body found? Dead?_

" _She's fucking dead, Dean! Do you understand me? Do you know what that means? It means you'll never see her again. She is no longer here, she's no longer your mom. So just forget about her, she's done, finished. No longer exists."_

 _All Dean wanted to do was cry. But he couldn't, he was a big boy, and he had to take care of his baby brother, he had gotten him to stop crying. Only babies cried! Dean just sat on his bed, quietly, holding his sleeping brother._

 _John laid on his bed and it didn't take long for Dean to start hearing his dad's snores. He knew it would be safe to move. He wasn't sure why, but he was scared of his dad. He had never seen him act this way before. When he started yelling, Dean was too scared to even move. Once his dad was asleep, he placed his sleeping brother back in his bed and laid back down._

 _He curled himself up in the covers, all he wanted was to feel his mom's arms wrapped around him. But, Dad had said she was no longer his mom. He said she didn't exist anymore, that he had to forget about her. He didn't think he could do that. He didn't think he could forget her. He loved her too much._

' _maybe if I try harder, maybe if I'm an extra good boy, she'll come back' Dean thought to himself. He was determined to get her back. He was sure if he was extra good then she would love him again and be his mom again._

 _He had made up his mind, he would be extra good, doing anything Daddy asked him to do, he would make sure Sammy was taken care of extra good and help out anyway he could. He would be brave when Daddy left him alone, like he did earlier. And, he wouldn't cry! That would get her back, that would give him and Sammy back their Mommy for sure._

 _He closed his little eyes, satisfied that he would be able to get his mom back. He wasn't sure where she had gone, but she couldn't be too far away, she probably just stayed at the house while him and Dad and Sam came to stay here. Probably because Sammy didn't have a room anymore, that's why he had to come here. Darkness quickly filled his little mind as sleep took over._

 _He didn't sleep well. The sound of all the cars driving down the road kept waking him up, and his daddy's snoring just got louder and louder. He was worried about his brother. He was afraid he would wake up crying and he wouldn't hear him if he was asleep._

 _Dean spent most of the night awake, dozing off every now and again. But, as hard as he tried, he couldn't make himself forget about his mom, or forget what he saw, her spider-man powers holding her to the ceiling, the flames that burst out of nowhere, causing his brother's room to burn._

 _He didn't want to sleep anyhow, he didn't want to close his eyes, when he did, that's all he could see. His mom didn't look happy. She looked scared, she looked hurt. Again, he wanted to cry, but crying wouldn't get his mom back, so, he sucked in a lung full of air and toughened up, being the big boy he knew he could be._


	3. Chapter 3

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 3

 _Morning came way too slow. Dean felt tired. He felt more tired than when he had laid down. Sammy had woken up, crying. John remained asleep, still snoring._

 _Dean had gotten up, made his brother a bottle and got a container of baby food from his bag. He picked up his brother, giving him his bottle and changing his wet diaper. He then fed him his breakfast, which was a lot messier not having a highchair, after his little brother had finished his food and his bottle, Dean wiped down his hands and face and changed his clothes._

 _He was proud of himself, he had taken care of his brother all by himself, like a big boy! He was sure his mom would be happy and come back if he kept that up. He even managed to take care of him without waking his dad._

 _He sat his brother in his pack-n-play with the few toys Dad got from the house and made his way to the bathroom, after using the bathroom and changing his own clothes, he sat on his bed, watching his brother play, and wondering how long it would be before his dad woke up._

 _He was hungry, and was hoping maybe they could see their mom today. It seemed like a really long time before John woke up. Sam had pooped and needed another diaper change, which Dean had done without complaining, and also fixed him a new bottle before John even showed signs of waking._

 _Dean's tummy was rumbling by the time his dad woke. But, he didn't say anything. He finished feeding Sam his bottle as the baby fell asleep. Dean laid him back in his bed, figuring it was probably close to his nap time anyhow, and placed his blanket over his sleeping brother. Dean then sat back against the head of the bed, waiting for his dad to come back in the room._

 _He heard the shower running. He heard the shower turn off. He then heard his dad's shaver buzzing. And the sink running. Once his dad came out of the room Dean felt like he was so hungry he was going to be sick. He still didn't say anything. His dad fixed a pot of coffee in the small coffee maker that sat on the counter._

" _We've got things we have to do today" John said, with no emotion in his voice. He looked down at the sleeping baby and added, "I guess we'll have to wait for him to wake up."_

 _Dean didn't like the sound of that. He wanted something to eat. Mom would have gotten him something to eat already. Mom wouldn't have slept so long, she would have woken up and fed Sammy and changed him and made Dean breakfast. She would know he was hungry. She would have heard his tummy rumbling. She always knew everything._

 _He wanted to tell his dad he was hungry, but figured there was no point in it. He had already said they had to wait till Sammy woke up, and he didn't want to do anything to make his dad mad. He had to be good, so his mom would come back. Dean figured, maybe if he laid down and took a nap, like Sammy was, that would help him not feel so sick, and stop his tummy from rumbling._

 _He must have been sleepy because it didn't take him long to fall asleep, and sleep seemed too short. He woke up having a bad dream, about his mom. He was scared, but he was determined not to cry! He looked at the bed beside him and his dad just sat there, staring at him._

" _Bad dream?"_

 _Dean nodded his head yes but was too scared of his dad's tone of voice, it sounded like he was someone different, like he didn't have any emotions at all._

 _Finally! Sam had woken up. Dean fixed him another bottle, giving it to him as he changed his diaper, and retrieved another container of baby food, prepared to feed his brother his lunch. John stopped him before he opened the food._

" _Let's feed him his lunch while we eat."_

 _Dean was happy to hear that, and his rumbling tummy agreed. He nodded his head in agreeance as they headed out to get some much needed food. The day seemed to drag on. Dean was happy to fill his little tummy, and Sammy was happy that Dean had filled his too._

 _The rest of the day they spent in and out of the car. They had to go to some place that his dad called a morgue and he had to sit in a chair in an empty, cold hall way and hold his brother until his dad came back. Then, they had to go to the police station, again, Dean had to sit and hold his brother, waiting for his dad seemed to be the only thing he was doing all day. Then his dad made a couple more stops, the same thing, his dad talked to people and Dean sat, with his brother, and waited._

 _Finally, they made their way back to their house. Dean was excited to be going home. But he could feel his heart shatter when he was told they couldn't stay there, they were just going to get some more things. He was sure he had been good enough that this time his dad would be bringing his mom back. This time he got to go inside with Dad and Sam. But, he was told they couldn't go past the living room._

 _Dean searched for signs of his mom, but everything looked the same. He couldn't find her anywhere. He sat Sam in one of his toys, knowing he would be safe there and he made his way up the stairs, looking for his mom. He looked in his room, she wasn't there. He looked in his mom and dad's room, still no mom. Then, his heart fell to the floor, he saw his baby brother's room. There was nothing left. It was all burned. He looked at the ceiling and nothing, no mom, nothing. He could feel the tears start to fill his eyes as he fought them back._

" _What are you doing? I thought I told you to stay in the living room!"_

 _His dad's voice startled him. He didn't even look at him, he was afraid there would still be tears threatening his eyes, he just ducked his head and ran back downstairs, picking his brother up and caring him back to the car._

 _His mom wasn't there. She really did leave him. He didn't know what he had done, but whatever it was, it was bad enough his mom didn't love him anymore. He buckled Sam into his seat, and buckled his own seatbelt, waiting for their dad to finish whatever he was doing._

 _Dean hated himself. He wasn't really sure what he was feeling at the time, but he knew it was a bad feeling and it was directed at himself. He knew he was bad, and because of him being so bad, Sammy had to suffer. Not only was he bad enough their mom left HIM but she left SAMMY too!_

 _Their dad had finished gathering items he needed and made one more stop after they left the house, he told Dean to stay in the car and he came back with bags full of bottles, he told Dean those were his and for adults only, that he would stop and get him some of his own special drinks._

 _They stopped and got some drinks for Dean and grabbed some supper too. Then they were back at the motel room. John told Dean to watch his brother while he took a shower. After he was finished he opened a bottle of his special drink and told Dean to give his brother a bath and get him ready for bed._

 _Dean did as he was told, still hopeful that his mom would come back if he was good. Once Sammy was cleaned and in his PJs he laid him down with his bottle, after he had fallen asleep, Dean went and took a shower and readied himself for bed too._

 _He didn't even have a reason to stay up. He had to be good, had to do what Dad wanted, so, he crawled under his covers and laid in bed. He was scared to go to sleep, scared of the bad dreams, but he knew his dad would want him to at least be laying down._

 _Dean wasn't even sure if it was his bedtime, didn't matter, he was laying down anyhow, because that's what good boys do. He watched as his dad drank his special drinks and started acting funny, like he did the night before. He bumped into things when he walked, his voice sounded funny and he almost fell down a couple times._

 _He was loud and made Sammy wake up and start crying. Dean didn't even hesitate, he didn't want to be yelled at again. He jumped up and grabbed his brother, quieting him down, and comforting him back to sleep._

 _John just collapsed back on the bed like he had done the night before, soon the silence was filled with his snores and Dean put Sam back to bed. Again, he wasn't able to sleep well. His dreams were full of his mom and the fire._

 _The bright lights from outside where shining in the room and his dad's snores were loud. He heard a siren go down the road and his heart skipped a beat. Fear filled him like it had the night before. Dean laid awake until sleep took over, only to wake him again with the scary things in his dream. Repeating the same routine over and over until morning came and his brother woke, needing his care._

 _Just like the day before, he gave him his bottle, changed his diaper, fed him his food, this time he wasn't quiet as messy, then changed his clothes after washing his face and hands. He then placed him back in his bed with his toys, watching the happy little baby play while his dad slept on the bed beside him._

 _Dean was thankful that his dad had gotten him some drinks, they kept him from feeling sick when his tummy started rumbling._

 _He kept his brother changed and fed, this time his dad slept through lunch, so he fed Sam another container of baby food. He had thought about eating one himself because he was so hungry, but decided against it, he had to make sure he saved them for Sammy, had to make sure he had enough to eat._

 _When his dad did wake he seemed content on the liquid in his bottles, crushing all Dean's hopes for food. He sipped on his drinks, keeping the nauseated feeling away. He figured, at some point, his dad would feed him._

 _The sun went down, his dad showered, then left, telling Dean to bath his brother and put him to bed, that he needed to get some more drinks. Dean was brave. He did what he was told, he fed his brother his supper, gave him a bath, changed him into his night clothes then laid him down with his bottle._

 _Once he was a sleep, Dean showered and crawled into bed. He heard the motor of the car pull up and turn off. He quickly jumped up, grabbed his brother, and tucked him in bed beside him. This time, he would be ready, he would keep his brother from crying._

 _John stumbled in, just as loud as he had been the past couple nights, still acting just as funny as before. When Sam started to stir, Dean comforted him, keeping him asleep. He watched his dad stumble around, tripping over Sam's bed, cursing while he picked it up and threw it. Dean was glad he had Sam next to him, but didn't know if he could be brave anymore, he was scared even more than when his dad yelled at him._

 _John stumbled to the bed and collapsed, again, snoring, again. Dean cuddled around Sam and actually got some decent sleep. His dad had woke him up, before Sam even woke, telling him he needed to get up and get ready. He wasn't sure what for, but he did as he was told, that was the only way his mom would come back._

 _He woke Sammy, giving him his bottle, changing his diaper, feeding him, washing him off, and changing his clothes, the same routine as the previous days, then he got himself changed. This time, things were a little different because Dad was awake, but he didn't help any, so it really didn't matter. They then left, Dad telling Dean it was going to be a long day and if he misbehaved at all then he would be in trouble._

 _The place they went to had a room that had pictures of his mom on display. Maybe this is where she's at, Dean wondered, there was a box that the pictures sat around. People were crying. Dad had taken Sam and acted like he was the best father in the world. Other people took Sam too, to help Dad out. They changed him and fed him._

 _Dean didn't like other people taking his brother like that, but he had to be good, he didn't care about getting in trouble, he just wanted his mom to come back. People kept telling him how sorry they were and how much they will miss Mary._

 _Dean missed her too, but was sure she would be back soon. He just smiled at them, or nodded in agreement. Some of the people he recognized, some of them he didn't. He wondered if they were going back home today, after they left this place._

 _The day was long, his dad had been right about that. They had to sit in these long seats that lots of people could fit in at the same time, and listen to people, including his dad, talk about his mom. They talked about what a good mother and wife she was._

 _They shared happy memories about her. Dean enjoyed hearing all the good things about his mom. But, still, he couldn't understand why everyone was so sad, why even the big people were crying, didn't they know only babies cried?_

 _Many people had approached John, voicing their concern about Dean. They mentioned how quiet he was, how he didn't speak. They talked about how he wasn't crying or acting sad, they were concerned about his lack of emotions._

 _John hadn't noticed, but just blew them all off, he told them he was only four and dealt with things differently. But the fact that other people were pointing this out to him had upset him._

 _Dean watched as people left, heading for their cars, lining them all in a row. It was like a parade! Dean likes parades. John had someone else take Sammy out to the car, he said he needed a moment, alone, with Dean and Mary. Dean was glad to hear that, finally, he gets to see his mom again! Maybe he had been good enough that she would come back and be his mom._

 _They walked into the room with the pictures and box._

" _Do you understand what this is?" John asked._

 _Dean just shook his head._

" _Remember I told you that your mom was dead?"_

 _Dean looked sad but nodded his head._

" _This…" John said, pointing to the box, "is what's left of your mom's body. Dean, she's dead, she's not coming back, ever."_

 _He picked Dean up, and lifted the lid to the casket. Shock filled Dean as he saw the chard remains of his mom. He couldn't recognize her, and parts of the body were missing, but he could tell it was a body._

" _That is your mom" John explained. "She's burned up, she died. She isn't coming back. Get that through your thick skull!" John closed the lid and sat Dean back down. "Got it?"_

 _Dean didn't know what to say. He had never seen a dead body before, especially one that looked like that. He just stared at his dad, wide eyed._

" _Come on, boy. We gotta get this over with!" John said as he placed a hand on Dean's shoulder and ushered him out to the car._

 _Dean was a bit disappointed, the parade was nothing like he thought it would be. They stopped in a place that had a whole bunch of stones. His dad explained to him while they drove there, that they were going to a grave yard, that these places were where you buried people after they died, like his mom._

 _They were going to bury her in the ground and she was never coming back. He explained to him that there was no way of escaping from the box once it was in the ground. Dean just sat wide eyed. He couldn't understand anything his dad was saying. He was telling him that they were going to put his mom in the ground, so she could never come back, never be his mom again._

 _Once they stopped, they all stood around a big hole in the ground, above the hole was the box his mom was in. A few more words were said, then they lowered her box into the ground. Dean wanted to jump in the hole too. He wanted to be with his mom. He wanted to tell her he was sorry for whatever bad thing he did. But, he didn't._

 _He remained still, being good, just like he was told. Once it was over, and everyone left, Dean sat in his seat in the car. Someone else had buckled Sam in, but Dean checked to make sure it was done correctly. The weird people all tried to talk to Dean, trying to get him to answer back, but he didn't want to. He just wanted this nightmare to be over._

 _Someone even suggested that he see a psychologist, which infuriated John. Once they had made it back to the motel they were all exhausted. The same nightly routine took place, John showered, then Dean gave Sam a bath, followed by a bottle and clean clothes._

 _John was already asleep by the time Dean had finished Sam's bath. Once Sam had fallen asleep, Dean showered and laid down. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't get the image of the body inside the box out of his head. He was so scared, and sad, and still held out hope that his mom would somehow come back._

 _The days turned to weeks. Visitors would come and go, when they came, John was nice, he would take care of Sammy and talk to the people. When they were gone, he just drank his special drinks, not removing himself from his bed, and made Dean take care of the baby._

 _After so many people had voiced their concerns about Dean's behavior, John had no choice but to take him to the doctor, acting like the loving caring father he was supposed to be. He wasn't thrilled with the idea of taking him to a shrink. They were just a waste of money._

 _After a couple visits, without any results, John decided he would take matters into his own hands. He didn't have the money to waste on some crazy doctor. It had been months since Mary's death and it was time his oldest son grew up and acted right._

" _Boy! I'm not going to tell you again! I ain't got the money to spend on no damn doctor! You know I need all the money I can get just to feed you two!" John took another swig of his special drink. "Now, I'd suggest you grow the hell up, do you understand me? I asked you a question! I said do you understand me?"_

 _John grabbed Dean by the shoulders, digging his fingers in as deep as they would go, and shook him a few times, as hard as he could. Dean started crying. He was scared and what his dad was doing to him hurt._

 _He hadn't allowed himself to cry since his mom died, but he couldn't stop it this time. This time it was too much. He wanted his mommy more than ever. He had been such a good boy, he didn't understand why she hasn't come back. Before John could even think, he threw a fist, striking little Dean in the face._

" _Only babies cry! You're not a baby anymore! It's time you grew up, Dean. You have to take care of your little brother, you have to watch out for Sammy."_

 _His dad's words were followed by a slap across the face. Dean tried to squirm himself away but his dad had a death grip on his shoulder. His fingers, digging bruises into it._

" _Does your face hurt? I hope so. Do you like that pain?" His questions weren't meant to be answered. "If you don't start opening that damn mouth of yours and talking again, it'll be worse than just a punch, or slap, to your face, I'll beat it out of you. Do you hear me? I can't afford to spend money on this quack of a doctor they are wanting me to send you to."_

 _Dean was scared, he was more scared at that moment than he was the night his mom died. He couldn't stop the tears, they weren't tears from pain, these tears were born out of fear._

 _They only angered John more, he grabbed little Dean, pulling his pants down, exposing his bare bottom, and pulled him over his knees, he removed his belt and began spanking Dean with it. Yelling at him, telling him he wasn't going to stop until he spoke, that he had to beg him to stop, use his words, or he would spank him until every bit of his skin was torn away, maybe even until he died like his mom did._

 _That night was when Dean spoke again for the first time. Blood ran down his buttocks, back of his thighs, and his lower back. He was covered in dark purple bruises and lacerations that poured the blood, all caused by his dad's belt and his anger._

 _That was the moment John realized he could control Dean with the use of his belt. He wasn't finished, he made his son sit on his sore bottom, in a hard-wooden chair, and recite the ABCs and count to 100. He was still young, still had problems with doing those things, any time he messed up, his dad would make him start back from the beginning, told him he would spank him again, told him he couldn't get up until he finished._

 _That was the next moment in Dean's life that had changed who he was, it changed his family forever. He curled up in bed after his dad was too tired to make him continue his punishment, he had stopped crying. But, he still couldn't sleep._

 _When Sammy woke up, he was too sore to jump out of bed and quiet him, which only angered John who was too drunk to even remember what had happened, but it didn't stop him from throwing the threat of his belt Dean's way if he didn't take care of Sam._

 _Dean toughened up. He still stayed quiet, but would speak when he was spoken to. He kept taking care of his baby brother, still holding on to hope that one day he would be good enough that his mom would come back and love him again._


	4. Chapter 4

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 4

Dean's eyes fluttered. His head was throbbing. It was worse than any hangover he had ever felt. He was cramped, unable to move or stretch his legs. He wasn't sure where he was at or what was going on.

His body ached. When he took a breath, it felt like knives in his lungs, causing him to cough uncontrollably. His chest hurt, not from the breathing, it felt more like he had a heart attack or something along those lines, more like someone had reached into his chest and tried to pull his heart out. His back was radiating pain through out his body. He slowly began to realize he was leaning against his brother.

"Sssam?" Dean stuttered out through a rough, dry throat. It was freezing and he was confused. "Sam?"

Dean spoke a little clearer, reaching his arm above his head, touching Sam's face. He couldn't hold it for long, his arm dropped, landing on top of his head, causing the pain to worsen. He didn't feel like he could move. His body felt heavy, frozen, in a way.

"Sam, what the hell?" He was trying his hardest to get his brother's attention.

It was pitch black where they were at. He didn't know Sam had a flashlight in there, and his body was too tired to try to feel around for anything, not like his mind could think clear enough to tell him to look for something useful.

He didn't have a single hunter instinct running through his body, not that he noticed it was missing. All he wanted was for his brother to wake up. He didn't have a clue what was going on. He didn't remember that they were on a hunt. He couldn't even remember that he was a hunter.

The only thing he could remember was being a little kid, a four year old, who watched his mom burn on the ceiling, and who took care of his brother and had an alcoholic, abusive dad. Everything else, between then and now, was a blank slate. He couldn't remember anything but his brother.

He felt fear rising in him. Fear he was unfamiliar with. All he wanted were answers. All he wanted was to know where they were and why. He wasn't sure if the father in his memories was waiting for them somewhere and they were hiding from him. He didn't know why his body hurt so bad.

His eyes felt heavy. He was fighting trying to keep them opened. After a couple more tries, he was unable to wake his brother, and unable to fight his heavy eyelids any longer. He had, once again, lost his fight with consciousness.

 _He watched his baby brother grow. He was so proud of all the accomplishments he made in his life. He was walking, and talking, now. Sure, Dean would get hit on every now and then, especially if he was too loud and woke his dad._

 _His dad stayed gone, a lot. He didn't keep it a secret. He made sure Dean knew where he was going and why. He knew he was hunting a demon, he knew it wasn't safe. He knew his dad may not return. This just became his normal life._

 _Sure, some would say it was too much for a kid his age to handle, but Dean didn't think so. He was used to it. When his dad came home from a hunt, when he looked tired or upset, Dean would try to comfort him, tell him everything would be okay. Reassure him that they were all 3 going to be okay._

 _Then, little Sammy, he would light up John's eyes. He would toddle over to him, climb in his lap and give him lots of hugs and kisses. Dean cooked dinner and took care of his dad and Sam when he was home. When he was gone, he would take care of Sam._

 _Sometimes it was easier than other times. Sometimes his dad had money or food to leave for them, sometimes Dean had to get creative and figure out how to feed his brother. But, he always figured it out, even if he went without, Sam was always taken care of._

 _When John was home, Dean had learned to walk on egg shells around him. He was careful not to upset him. He did everything he was ordered to do. He kept quiet, and tried his hardest to keep Sam quiet, especially after he laid down._

 _Sometimes, John would lay down in the middle of the day, Dean hated that, it was harder to keep his brother silent when it was the middle of the day, sometimes he managed, and sometimes he would get smacked or punched for allowing his brother to be too loud. Sammy didn't seem to notice. He was used to his dad's behavior, it was all he had ever known, unlike Dean._

 _Dean remembered the dad he had before the fire took his mom. He remembered how his dad acted before he turned to alcohol as a solution to his problems. Dean remembered the love he felt and how safe his daddy's arms would make him feel. But now, it was different, those arms that once provided safety, they only brought him fear and pain._

 _But, as long as Sammy didn't have to feel that fear and pain, he was okay with it. He would do anything for his baby brother. He would keep him safe no matter what he had to sacrifice. He had decided a long time ago he was going to give up his own life for his brother if that's what it took to make sure he was safe and happy. And, that's exactly what Dean found himself doing._

 _Dean and John had come to an understanding, Sam was not to be told where his dad left to and why. He was too emotional, the kid worried about everything, and asked too many questions. He didn't know how to keep his mouth shut and would answer anyone's questions with honesty. It was too dangerous for Sam to know the truth._

 _Dean agreed, but for different reasons. He didn't want his brother to worry about their dad. He didn't want little Sammy to feel the fear he felt when John was gone on a hunt. He wanted Sammy to be a kid, to be normal. He enjoyed watching his little brother laugh and play. It made Dean happy. He wanted his brother to keep that innocence._

 _By now, Dean had lost all hope that his mom was coming back. He really messed up, he just wished he knew how so he could fix it. He was sure if he was extra good and took care of his dad and Sammy that she would love him again and come back, but after 2 years, that still hasn't happened. Now, it was just habit, just part of his daily routine. Part of his life._

 _The motel rooms that he was so excited to stay in the night of the fire, became his living hell. They became home. They became the place his dad would leave them, to fend for themselves. The place where John would come home beaten and bloody, upset after a hunt. The place he would find comfort in his special drinks that made him act all funny and angry at the same time. The place that Dean met the receiving end of his dad's fist more times than he could recall. The place that brought more fear than his little 6 year old heart could take._

 _But, he never complained. He never questioned or argued. He took what he deserved, after all, if he wasn't such a bad little boy his mom would still be around to take care of them. This was all his fault and no matter how hard he tried to fix it, he couldn't._

 _He was happy when they got to see his 'uncle' Bobby. He was a nice guy. Dean thought it was cool that he had a house. He didn't have to stay in motel rooms or crappy, run down apartments. He didn't have to move around all the time. He stayed in one place, the same way they used to before his house burnt._

 _He didn't feel scared there, he felt safe. His dad wasn't as mean when they were at Bobby's and Bobby's words were always kind, not hateful like his dad's when he would drink. He didn't even mind leaving Sammy with him. He knew Bobby would take care of him. He didn't feel safe leaving his little brother with anyone else._

 _He loved the time he got to spend alone with his dad, even though sometimes, when he messed up he would get slapped, but it was still something he enjoyed. He really loved shooting the guns with Dad. He was a natural at it, even John made it known how proud he was of his oldest son's shooting ability. Dean could hit anything his dad told him to._

 _He felt proud of himself, and for a quick moment, he wondered if his good ability would finally bring his mom back. He was just as natural with a knife. He was a tough killing machine by the time he was 7. He had been on a few hunts with his dad, nothing major. He hated when they had to go, it was usually because they had no other choice._

 _When money ran short they lived in the car. He didn't hate the hunts, he hated leaving Sammy alone. His dad would always tape him to his seat, and cover his mouth. He said that was the only way to keep him safe. Dean would try to protest, but Dad would hear nothing of it. He insisted it was for his own safety. They couldn't let the monsters hear him._

 _The first time he had went on a real hunt with his dad he messed up. He was glad his baby brother was at Bobby's and not restrained to his seat in the car, but he was thinking about his brother and wasn't paying attention the way he was supposed to._

 _He heard a noise and turned to look, making sure nothing was coming to get him. When he turned back around the vampire was on top of his dad, ready to give his deadly bite. It took Dean a moment, but he composed himself and killed it before it could bite his dad. John was pissed! Dean didn't think he had ever seen his dad this mad before._

 _Dean was confused by the change in his dad's behaviors lately. Just a few nights ago, he had made him join him in his bed. He said he missed Mary. Dean missed her too. Dad had told him he needed to do what Mary would do, he needed to take care of him. Dean didn't understand._

 _He was only 7 years old. He couldn't possibly understand. His dad undressed him, he said he enjoyed feeling their bare skin against each other. He then took Dean's hand, making him rub his dad's private place. He taught him how to do it the way he wanted._

 _He did exactly what Dad told him to do. Maybe if he took care of Dad the way Mom did then she would come back? He didn't know what the hot, stickiness was all over his hands but it seemed to make his dad groan and made him happy. Then, out of nowhere, his dad picked him up and threw him on the floor. He sounded pissed, made him go to his own bed. Dean figured he must have done something wrong again, something to make his dad mad. He hoped it wasn't as bad as what he did to make his mom leave._

 _His dad beat him, like he had never beaten him before. He cried, begged his dad to stop, but it was like he didn't even hear him. He just kept beating on him. When he got tired, he pulled Dean to his knees, unzipping his pants. This time it was different, this time Dad held his hands so he couldn't use them, he told him he had to do the same as before, only with his mouth this time._

 _Dean hated it even more, his dad told him what to do, how to do it, and seemed very pleased with the results. The hot, sticky stuff that's been on his hands, shot in his mouth. He wanted to pull away, spit the bitterness out, but his dad had his hand on his head, pushing himself down his throat so he couldn't pull away. He had stopped any air from entering his lungs, until the sensation of liquid pouring down his throat stopped._

 _That was the next thing that had changed his life, forever. He could handle the everyday routine he had come to know, but this was different, this just changed his daily routine. He didn't know it yet, but the beatings would only get worse, and frequent. But, they weren't beatings, that's not what John called them, that's not what Dean was allowed to call them. It was training._

 _He had to train to be a better hunter. He was good with a gun and a knife, but he needed to train on his attention, or the lack of, and he had to learn how to handle the injuries the monsters would cause, and not let them kill him. He had to train hard._

 _He had to learn how to run, how to hide, from the things that wanted to kill him. He may not have liked it, but he knew he had to do it. He knew he had to be taught, no matter how tired it would make him, or how much it hurt. He knew his dad was right, the things trying to kill him wouldn't care if he was injured or not. If he was weak, he would end up dead._

 _He had learned how to be one hell of a hunter, he could handle things that grown men couldn't even handle. But, sometimes, he just wanted to be a kid, he didn't want to always hunt. He didn't want to climb that damn tree either, but his dad had given him an order, and he never disobeyed an order._

 _He watched his dad's back, made sure nothing came after him. He yelled at his dad at the same time the ghost attacked. It threw John against the tree Dean was in, causing the branches to shake, making Dean fall out of the tree. His dad had been digging a grave, he had made it to the casket, already poured the salt and lighter fluid onto the bones when he was attacked._

 _Dean fell to the unforgiving ground, he heard the cracking sound before he felt the pain. Once the pain hit, he knew without a doubt his arm was broken. His dad couldn't move, he was being pinned by the ghost. Dean picked up his riffle that had fallen beside him, and filled the spirit with rock salt, giving his dad the release he needed to light the matches and send the bones up in flames._

 _He told Dean he needed to be punished, told him he needed to train better, that he fucked up, that was the only excuse for his injured arm. He told him they were going to play a new hunting game. It didn't sound like a game that Dean wanted to play._

 _John had explained to him that he had to run, had to hide from him. He explained that he had to learn to keep himself alive. When he complained about his arm hurting, John told him that was the price of hunting and reminded him the monsters didn't care if he was hurt or not. It didn't take long for John to catch up to his injured son. When he got him, he removed his belt and started beating him with it, telling him part of the game was to fight him, to get away and hide again._

 _It only took a couple times before the pain was too much. He couldn't struggle anymore. His arm was throbbing, his body ached from the lacerations the belt left over his body. He started crying, begging his dad to stop. He had stopped using his belt and used his fists instead. He screamed at him, telling him the reason his arm hurt so much is because he yelled at his dad, even if it was a warning, he needed to learn how to keep his mouth shut._

 _He had to give him a lesson he would never forget. Dean didn't think his dad would ever stop, but finally he did. He didn't seem happy about it, he kept complaining about how weak he was and how he needed more training to strengthen him up. He didn't take him to the hospital, Dad had everything he needed in his bag. He was good at stealing things from doctors and hospitals. He put a cast on Dean's arm himself before returning to Bobby's to get little Sammy._

 _That was his world, his life, he would be forced into training, forced into bed with his dad, forced to take care of Sammy. He didn't complain. He didn't cry. He took everything he was given like a man. The man his dad expected him to be._

 _He was 8 years old now, he wasn't a kid anymore, not like he was ever really a kid, not since he was 4. But, he was quickly becoming the man his dad expected him to be. He learned how to take the training his dad gave him, learned how to play the game without getting himself killed. He learned how to hide and escape his dad._

Dean's head was throbbing. He blinked his eyes opened. He wasn't sure why his head was throbbing or why he was in the small little area. Maybe he was in the middle of a game? Maybe he was hiding from his dad? He wasn't sure. He couldn't remember anything except the memories that had flooded his unconscious mind. He didn't even know how old he was, he knew he wasn't a kid anymore, but his memories were blank.

He remembered, he wasn't leaning against a wall, he was leaning against his brother. When had his brother started training with him? When did he start playing the games? His body was shaking, it was freezing cold, his body felt cramped and ached everywhere. It was pitch black, he vagally remembered waking up before, in the same room, the same darkness, this time it seemed colder than the last time.

"Sam?"

Dean was barely able to get a sound to come out. His lungs still felt like they were full of shards of glass. He pushed his back against his brother, unable to move the rest of his body.

"Sam!"

Dean was desperate, he needed to wake his brother. He was scared, he hoped his brother knew what was going on. He hoped he had the answers, and memories, that Dean was missing.

"Sam, please!"

Dean's voice was pleading. He managed to lift an arm and place it on Sam's head, and slipped it down his face.

"Sammy, please, Sammy."

Dean continued to plead. He sounded like a child again, in his mind, he couldn't remember anything past being 8 years old. Everything in his memories was like a black darkness. He managed to get his arm to hit his brother's face.

"Sam! Please, Sammy, wake up, Sammy, please!"

Dean continued to force the pleads out of his dry, frozen, sore throat, as a fear filled tear slipped from his eye leaving a track down his cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 5

Sam started to stir, Dean was never so glad to feel the movement behind him.

"Sam? Sam?" He forced out in a childlike way.

"Dean?"

Sam mumbled, he recognized his brother's voice, but the pain running through his body had him feeling less than enthused to be awake. He was glad when unconsciousness filled him.

"Sam? Is that you? Sam?"

Sam reached down, grabbing the flashlight, turning it on. Dean jumped at the sight. He knew, somehow, he just knew, he wasn't a kid anymore, but didn't remember growing up, and sure as hell didn't remember his brother growing into a man either.

"Son of a bitch!"

Sam exclaimed as he moved the light, looking at his leg.

Dean drew in a sharp breath. "That looks like it hurts!"

"You think?"

"Well, yeah. I think it looks like it hurts. What happened? And what the hell happened to you? How did you get so big?"

Sam gave Dean a confused look. "Dude, I've been bigger than you for years now."

"What? How? When? Sam? Where the hell are we and why are we hiding?"

"Dean, we're not hiding, dude. That creepy son of a bitch threw you through a wall and you were unconscious. I fell on the damn stairs and broke my leg, before it decided to attack me."

"What? What um, dad?"

"Dad?"

"Was it Dad, who threw me through the wall? Did he break your leg?"

"Dean, what the hell are you talking about? Dad's been gone for years."

"Where did he go?"

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you, um, what the hell is wrong with you, man? Do you know where we are?"

"No, I figured we were hiding, from Dad, one of his hunting games or something like that?" Dean ended his statement with a question, feeling like maybe he was wrong.

"Dean? What are you talking about? Hunting games?"

"Yeah, I had hoped he wouldn't make you play too, it's not much fun, really. But you know, how he makes you, well, me anyhow, run and hide from him, so he can't hurt you. You know, his training."

"Dean, that happened a long time ago. We aren't kids anymore. And, I never had to endure that, you didn't even tell me about it until a couple years ago."

"I know we aren't kids anymore. I kinda noticed that by these gigantic bodies."

"Uh, um… Dean? Gigantic bodies?"

"I don't know. I mean, I thought… I didn't ever think I would be this big. I'm as big as Dad!" Dean sounded excited with the last part, like he was proud to be as big as Dad.

"….Dean?..." Sam cleared his throat, he was completely confused. "How, um, how old do you think you are?"

"Well, duh! I'm 8! And a big boy too!"

"And how old am I?"

"Hang on, I got this! You're 4 years younger than me, if I'm 8 then 8 minus 4 is… FOUR! You're 4!" Dean was so proud of himself for figuring that out.

"Um, I think you hit your head a little hard, dude. You're not 8 and I'm not 4."

Dean was confused. "Did I have a birthday? Am I 9? Then that would make you 5?"

"No, Dean, not even close! Dude, try adding like 30 years to our ages."

"30! That's old! I'm not old, silly Sammy. I'm a big boy but not old, that's… that's as old as Dad!"

"Okay, man, you really hit your head too hard, or something. I don't know what's going on, but we gotta get out of here, it's freezing! We'll figure this out, don't worry. But, right now, I need you to help me."

"I'm a good helper!"

"Yeah, yeah you are. I need you to reach up and open the door, then help me stand up."

"Okay! I can do that, but, Dad says not to open the doors."

"It's okay, Dean, you can open the door this time."

"Okay, Sammy, but I don't wanna make Dad mad."

"He won't get mad."

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

Dean reached up and opened the door, allowing the cold air to rush into their sheltered room.

"It's cold Sammy!" Dean whined. "I don't wanna go out in the cold. Please don't make me. Dad made me, and I don't like it."

"It's going to be okay, Dean, I promise. We're not gonna stay in the cold, we're just going to leave, go to the car, okay?"

"Dad isn't going to tie me down, is he? And make me stay in the cold?"

"No, Dean, no one is going to tie you down or hurt you." Sam's heart sunk just a little, he wasn't sure what was going on, but his brother's mind seemed to be stuck at 8 years old, and his memories were showing stronger than ever, only to Dean, they weren't memories, they were his present life.

"Okay." Dean replied as he made his way to his feet. "My head hurts! So does my back!"

"You gonna be okay?"

"Yes! I'm a big boy! I can handle it, besides Dad's made it hurt worse, this ain't nothing!"

"Okay, good." Sam couldn't believe this, he was stuck with an 8 year old in a grown man's body. Not just any 8 year old, his big brother, his big brother who was hurt and broken. "I need you to help me, Dean, do you think you can do that?"

"Okay, what do I need to do?"

"I need you to help me stand up. My leg is really bad, and I can't walk on it, so I need you to help me walk after I stand up."

"I'll try."

"Good boy!" Sam reached up and used his brother's grown body to pull him to his feet. Once he was standing, it took him a moment to get his head to stop spinning. Then he used his brother to help him hobble into the room. "Okay, Dean, we need to go out the door now, and go down the hall."

"Okay."

"I need you to hold on to me, you can't let go, I need you to help me walk, remember?"

"Okay! I remember!"

He helped his brother walk out of the room and down the hall. "Okay, see that door on the other side of the room?"

"Yeah, but, Sam, why does the house look so old?"

"We don't live here, Dean, we were hunting a ghost."

"What? Where's Dad?"

"He's gone, remember, I told you that, I need you to concentrate on what I'm telling you, okay?"

"Okay, but if Dad's gone, who is protecting us from the monsters?"

"I'll protect you, Dean, don't you worry about that, right now I need you to help me walk to that door."

"Okay, but I'm the big brother, I'm supposed to keep you safe."

The boys started their way across the room and toward the door.

"I've grown up, I know it doesn't make sense, but I'm not little anymore, I'm old, like Dad, so right now, it's my job to take care of you."

"Okay, but I don't understand."

"I know you don't, buddy, but it'll be okay, I promise you, we'll figure out what's going on, we just gotta get out of here first, we have to go back to where it's warm."

"Okay. It's too cold, Sam. I'm cold, and scared."

"It's okay, I'll protect you, remember?"

"Yeah!"

They made it across the room and out the door, then through the fresh fallen snow, but not without Dean whining about how cold he was. He had helped his dad enough times when he was injured that he knew how to help his brother walk, how to allow him to lean on him. Once they made it to the car Sam leaned himself against the car, placing the weapons in the trunk.

"I don't suppose you can drive us, could you?" Sam's question was answered by the look on Dean's face.

"I can't drive, Sammy!"

"Yeah, okay. Guess I'll have to drive." Sam said, exhausted, not sure how he was going to make this work with his broken leg and head injury, but he didn't have much of a choice. "Help me get in the seat, so I can drive."

"Okay, Sammy, but Dad's gonna be maaadddd!"

"No he's not, he's gone, remember, he's not coming back."

Dean helped Sam in his seat then seated himself in the back seat, buckling his own seatbelt. Sam couldn't help but roll his eyes when Dean sat in the back.

"Like mom?" Dean asked once he was in his seat.

"Yeah, like mom."

"Did I do something bad?"

"No, Dean, you haven't done anything bad, why?"

"To make Dad leave us, like Mom. Did I do something bad? I tried not to, Sammy. Honest. I did. I tried to be a good boy. I did everything Daddy told me to, no matter how much it hurt or I didn't like it, I still did it. And, I took care of you and Dad. I figured, if I was good enough, Mom would love us again, and come back, but she hasn't, if I'm extra, extra good, will Dad love us again? Will he come back?"

Sam didn't think his heart could break any harder than it did at that moment. He had started the engine, making his way down the road, he wasn't sure where he was going, but figured he would have to reach a town or hospital, somewhere.

"Dean, you… you didn't do anything wrong. Mom didn't leave because you were bad, she left because the yellow eyed demon killed her."

Dean was wide eyed. "How did you know about that? Dad promised he wouldn't tell you."

"Dean, I'm older now, remember? I know a lot more than I did when I was 4."

"Oh, yeah."

"So, Mom died, she got killed by the demon, you understand that, right?"

Dean looked like he was slightly confused, he knew that's what Dad had told him but he didn't really understand what it meant.

"Dean, have you been on hunts with Dad?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so you know how when you kill the monsters, they die, and they don't come back, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, it's the same thing with Mom. She got killed, and her body burned, so she can't come back, no matter what you do. You didn't do anything bad to make her leave. She still loved you. She loved us, all of us. She didn't want to leave us, she didn't have a choice. You were a good boy, that had nothing to do with it."

"Really?"

"Yes! So, no matter how good you tried to be, there was no way she could come back."

"The same with Dad?"

"Yes, the same with Dad. He's dead too, and he's not coming back, he can't. The demon killed him too, and his body was burned, so he's gone, forever."

"So… so, that means… that means he's not going to hurt me no more?"

"Right! He can't hurt you anymore."

"Good!"

"Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Is that why you let Dad hurt you? Is that why you did what he wanted you to do… in bed… because you thought it would bring Mom back?"

"You really do know everything! Wow you're as smart as Dad!"

"So, is that why?"

Dean dropped his head. "Yes, I tried really hard, but no matter what I did she didn't come back."

"Because she couldn't."

"I understand that now."

Sam was never more thankful to see a hospital sign ahead. He hated taking Dean to the hospital, if he was himself, he would have protested and made Sam go to a motel instead, but Sam's leg was bad and he needed to find out what had happened to his brother.

He pulled up to the hospital, having Dean help him inside it didn't take long for them to be surrounded by nurses with the trail of blood Sam was leaving behind him, running from his injured leg. He found himself fighting against them, not letting them take him back without Dean by his side.

Once inside the hospital room, he tried to explain to them what had happened. He told them him and his brother found an abandoned house and decided to investigate it, see if they could find anything cool. He told them the stairs collapsed under him, causing his injuries. And he explained how he wasn't with his brother when he was injured but by the looks of it, it seemed he had fallen over something and was knocked out when he found him. He explained that he thinks it did something to his head, that they needed to check out, because he thinks he's a kid again.

Dean was scared, he didn't want to go with the doctors and nurses, but after Sam and the nurses were able to talk, they agreed that once they were finished with Dean's CT scan he would be brought back to his brother. Sam told Dean it was okay, that he would be safe with them, they wouldn't leave him alone.

Sam remembered the story he had told him about getting lost in a hospital. He wasn't exactly sure where Dean was in his mind, so he made mention to him not to wonder off or leave the nurse he put in charge of him. He told him it wasn't safe.

Dean understood, and was glad his brother was looking out for him. He was thankful he had someone protecting him. He couldn't remember having anyone protect him, not since his mom died. But, right now, he was really scared, he wasn't sure what was going on, things were so different, his brother was so different. He took the hand on the nurse and left with her to be examined.

Sam sighed a sigh of relief. He felt overwhelmed with 'Little Dean'. He decided that's what he would call him, Little Dean. He chuckled at the thought. He was concerned, unsure what was going on inside his head, but also found the innocence of his brother fascinating. Yet, he definitely held a hunter's heart, but a child's sense of security.

This was the kid who raised him. This was the person who he always looked up to. He didn't notice all of Dean's quirks when he was younger, of course he didn't know of the horrors his brother faced either. Sam was brought to x-ray, then followed his brother to the CT room. His head checked out okay, but his leg was a different story. He required stitches and a cast.

Dean was returned to his room, the doctor said he couldn't find anything that would make his brother act the way he was, except for a slight concussion, which honestly, didn't seem too severe, plus Sam knew Dean has had plenty of concussions and never acted this way afterwards. He started wondering exactly what the thing was that had attacked them.

With the doctor's disapproval, Sam refused to stay in the hospital, but helped them understand it was because he had to take care of his brother, had to help him, since he was so confused. They gave him instructions to follow up with a doctor in 2 weeks to get the stitches removed and bandages replaced, and they would also replace the cast at the same time.

Sam wasn't supposed to drive either, but with Dean, being only 8 years old, he knew he didn't have a choice, he had to lie and tell them he wouldn't. Once they left, Sam found the nearest motel room and decided that would be their home until he could figure all of this out.

Dean carried the bags in for his brother.

"I'm a big boy, I can do it!" He had told Sam.

Sam didn't argue, he was on crutches, after all. Once inside, he had Dean line the windows and door with salt. He knew how to do that, he had been doing it for years, every time their dad left, Dean had to make sure the salt was placed for protection. Dean sat on the bed furthest from the door, the one he always slept in when him and Sam were younger.

"Hey, Sammy."

"Yeah?"

"Did Dad leave any money?"

"Dean, Dad's not here, remember."

"Oh Yeah, so, do we have any money?"

"For what?"

"I'm…" Dean cleared his throat, he didn't know how to say what he was wanting to say.

"You're what, Dean?"

Dean sat nervously and silent

"Are you hungry?"

Again, no movement or sound from Dean, just a small tremble of his hands

"Dean, are you hungry?"

"It doesn't matter, I just wanted to make sure you ate." Dean finally answered, still having the need to take care of his brother.

"I'm taking care of you now, remember? I know it seems weird, and you may not understand it, but you gotta let me take care of you. If you're hungry, you gotta tell me, okay? Things aren't the same as they used to be, there's enough for both of us to eat. Got it?"

"Okay… really? Enough for us both? Like, all the time?"

"Yes, like all the time. Dean, do you think if I wrote down what we wanted, and gave you some money, that you could go to the diner and get it?"

"I… I don't know, I could try."

Sam nodded his head. "Okay, I need you to try. My leg is hurting really bad, and I need to rest it. You can just give the note to the person at the counter, just tell them that's what you need, okay?"

"Okay! I can do that!"

"Oh, and Dean." Sam pulled out his cell phone. "You should have one of these too."

Dean reached in his pocket and pulled it out.

"It's a phone. If you open it, like this, see this button? You push that and it calls my phone, if you get scared, or need anything at all, you just call me okay? Like this…"

Sam pushed the button and called himself from Dean's phone, then he showed Dean how he could do the same thing from his phone and if Dean heard the music he had to answer it, but only if the screen showed Sam's name.

Dean understood and quickly made his way to the diner. He wasn't so sure about all of this, Dad didn't allow him to be alone, but Sam had explained to him that because he was in a big body that everyone would think he was an adult, just like Dad was.

He explained it would be like playing make believe. And, that it would be a fun game, not like the games Dad made him play. That made Dean happy. He liked having fun, but he didn't get to have a lot of fun because he had too much responsibility, he was too busy taking care of his dad or brother or training.

He went to the diner, gave his order and waited. He didn't understand why the woman at the counter kept looking at him in a funny way, but he was playing make believe, so, he returned the looks, the same way she did. When the food was ready, he quickly made his way back to his brother.

"Did everything go alright?" Sam questioned Dean.

"Yeah, but the woman the worked there, she was weird."

"How so?" Sam asked as he emptied the contents of the bag, giving Dean his food.

"She kept looking at me funny. I figured if I gave her the same funny looks then she would stop, but she didn't, she just kept giving me funny looks, oh, and she gave me this." He handed his brother a piece of paper with a phone number on it. "I think we're supposed to call that number or something?"

Sam couldn't hold his laughter in, which just confused Dean even more. "Dude! She was flirting with you! She gave you her number so the two of you could hook up"

"Like, a play date?"

"Yeah, something like that." Sam was laughing so hard he had tears running from his eyes. "You're in a big body, remember, so the girls, they think you're as big as they are, and want you to kiss them and stuff."

"Eww, Sammy! that's gross!"

Sam was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. He had to stop the conversation so he could catch his breath. Dean just sat and ate his food, he wasn't sure what was so funny but as long as his brother was happy then everything was alright.

"When you get done eating, you need to take a shower, then bed. We've had a long day, and I'm tired as hell! I'm sure you are too."

Dean nodded his head. "Yes sir."

"Hey, Dean?"

"Huh?"

"What do you remember?"

"About what?"

"Anything. I'm just trying to figure some things out, what has happened in your life so far?"

"I don't understand, Sammy. I thought you were as smart as Dad?"

"I am, but I need to make sure you remember what you need to remember. You said you're 8, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, and, Dad, he's started playing the training games with you, right? The ones where you have to run from him?"

Dean's eyes looked sad and scared. "Yes sir."

"You've been hunting with him already?"

"Yes."

"What happened on the last hunt?"

"I… I broke my arm when I fell out of the tree." Dean started squirming on the bed. "Dad was mad, he hurt me, a lot, then he…. He made me do other things, things that he said mom used to do. I don't like it, but I thought if I did it, if I made him happy, then Mom would come back."

Sam just nodded his head, understanding what his brother was saying. "Okay. And now, you're okay?"

"I think so, except the bump on my head, and my chest hurts, really bad."

"Why does your chest hurt?"

"I don't know."

"What does it feel like?"

"Like, maybe, like someone reached in my chest and squeezed my heart really, really hard, and put razors in my lungs if I breath too deep."

"Did you tell the doctors about that? When we were at the hospital?"

"Kinda, he said I felt that way because it was so cold, that it would be better, he said something about n…nomona?"

"Pneumonia?"

"Yeah! I don't know what that is."

"It means your lungs are going to hurt and you might find it hard to breath, he must have given you medicine for it, I haven't even looked at the medicine yet."

"Do you want me to bring it to you?"

"Yes, please."

Dean did as he was told, and was greeted with a thank you from his brother.

"You finished eating?"

"Yes."

"Okay, that bag there, that's yours. I need you to get a clean pair of boxers and t-shirt and go take a shower, okay? And make sure you wash your hair really good and get all the blood out of it."

"Okay."

Dean bounced to his bag, got what he needed and entered the bathroom. Sam couldn't help but notice Dean had left the door opened. That was something he had told him about, before. Something he did for protection, to make sure their dad wasn't hiding and waiting to hurt him.

Sam rubbed his hand down his face, exhaustion setting in. He looked through the papers from the hospital, seeing where they had diagnosed Dean with Pneumonia, a concussion exhibiting signs of memory loss, some contusions and lacerations to his back and chest, that likely resulted in some internal contusions that might develop some internal swelling as it heals.

But, all x-rays showed negative for any damage to his internal organs. And his heart checked out okay. The only concern were his lungs. They also noted he was dehydrated from the long period that he was exposed to the harsh conditions.

He noticed the antibiotics and inhaler they had given for him as well. Once Dean was finished, he made him take the antibiotic and explained to him how to use the inhaler if he needed it. He had left it sitting on the table beside him.

He told him he needed to sleep, Dead didn't argue, he did as he was told. The same way he always did when he was younger. Sam was hurting and exhausted, but knew he had some research he needed to get done. But, as much as he loved his brother, he didn't think he could handle much more of Little Dean tonight.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you going to come to bed?"

"Uh, we have big bodies now, we don't share a bed anymore."

"Oh."

Dean almost sounded heartbroken, like he was going to cry, if he cried that is, but Sam knew Little Dean didn't cry, and he didn't show his emotions either. He just rolled over, his back facing Sam and closed his eyes.

"I'll come sleep with you, in a little while, but I got some things I need to do right now, okay?"

"Okay!"

Dean perked up, he was glad his brother was going to come sleep with him. He was so scared and confused, he needed his brother, he needed something to make him feel safe.

Sam stayed up a little longer, researching his laptop, trying to figure out what monster they had come across. He made a few phone calls, leaving messages with Dean's symptoms and what little they knew about the creature. He then, decided he needed to take something for pain, as his leg reminded him it was injured through the throbs it was sending through his body. He sat his computer beside him, getting up to use the bathroom and retrieve a drink, he took a pain pill, removed his outer clothing and crawled under the covers beside his sleeping brother.

"Oh, Dean, what the hell did we step into this time? I'm so sorry. I wish I knew how to make you better." He said as he ran his fingers through his brother's hair as he slept peacefully.


	6. Chapter 6

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 6

 _Dean had promised Sam Dad would be home for Christmas. He knew he wouldn't be, but he didn't know what else to do. Sammy was only 6 years old, he didn't understand. He didn't really understand Christmas much, or birthdays, or any other holiday._

 _Every day seemed to just be the same no matter what. He hated the place they were staying at. He didn't know why they couldn't stay at Bobby's for Christmas. Dad had let them stay with Bobby for a few months, once Sammy insisted on going to school. Dean hated school. He only went so he could keep an eye on his little brother._

 _But, now that they were in school, John tried to keep them in one place longer than before. He would usually wait until they had a break before moving them, again. This time it was Christmas break, and they were in a new place, once more. After school started back, John would enroll them in the new school, they would probably stay there until spring break, then find a new home and new school until the end of the school year._

 _That's the way it worked last year, anyhow. And, all summer they moved around, constantly, until school started back._

 _John had said that Sam needed school, that he was the smart one. He told Dean that school wouldn't do him much good, he was nothing but a hunter and not smart at the books. Dean agreed. He never disagreed with his dad._

 _He might be 10 years old, but he still hung on every word his dad said. He believed everything his dad said about him. He had given up hope that his mom would return, but by now, obedience was just a habit. The pain he experienced was just part of everyday life._

 _He had gotten used to the trainings Dad put him through. He was used to the 2am 5 mile runs. He was used to sets of 50 push ups and sit ups. That was nothing to him. As long as his dad kept his end of the deal, as long as Sammy didn't get hurt or have to train as hard as he did, he would do anything his dad wanted._

 _Today was different, he was so tired of listening to his little brother whine about their dad. He had told him he would be home for Christmas, what else did he want? It wasn't like their dad was ever there anyhow, why should this be any different?_

 _He sent him to bed early. Told him he needed his sleep, he waited until Sam fell asleep and snuck out of the motel room. He had noticed a house on the corner. It was a large house, with a big red bike outside of it. Dean was an expert at picking locks by now. He picked the locks to the house and snuck inside._

 _He quickly located the tree, taking out his pocket knife and cutting one of the branches off. He left the ornaments on for decoration, and gathered a few presents. He didn't mean to drop one of the ornaments, causing it to crash to the floor. Dean froze, listening for any sign of movement, when he didn't hear any, he started making his way out of the home. He had almost made it to the front door when he heard the cock of a gun._

" _Please, sir, I'm sorry, I just need to give Christmas to someone." Dean pleaded._

" _And you think you can take it from me and my family?" the angry voice replied._

" _I'm sorry."_

 _He really was sorry. He didn't like the idea, but he needed to give his brother a Christmas. He took one of the gifts and threw it at the man with the gun, drawing his attention away from Dean, and he ran, as fast as his little legs would carry him, he ran._

 _He didn't run straight back to the room, he was too smart for that. He ran and hid, until he knew the man with the gun wouldn't be looking for him anymore, he quietly made his way back inside the room, setting up the little tree and putting the gifts under it._

 _Once he was satisfied with the tree, and had made several looks out the window to make sure no one was coming after him he mustered up all the excitement he could and woke his little brother._

" _Look Sammy! Dad came, while you were sleeping!"_

" _Why didn't he wake me?"_

 _Dean had to think fast, he thought about what a heavy sleeper his brother was. "Dude, he tried to, but you wouldn't wake up."_

" _Where is he?"_

" _He, uh, he said he couldn't stay long, he just wanted to drop this stuff off to you, and see us for a minute, but you wouldn't wake up and he needed to get back to work. Come on, lets go see what he brought."_

 _Dean rushed Sam over to the little tree where 2 gifts sat, Sam tried to give one to Dean but he just shook his head and pushed it away. "They're both for you."_

" _Why didn't you get one?"_

" _Aw, Sammy, I'm too big for toys!"_

 _Sam opened his gifts, disappointment fell on his face, one was a Barbie doll, the other another girl toy. "Dad didn't come did he?"_

" _Sure, he did! He must have thought, with that long hair of yours, you were a girl." Dean tried to add some humor into it, but Sam didn't bite._

" _Where did you get this stuff from, Dean?"_

 _Knowing he was caught he decided to be honest. "The house on the corner, how was I supposed to know they were chick toys?" Dean could have kicked himself for not noticing._

 _Sam reached in his pocket, pulling out a small package wrapped in newspaper. "Here." He said as he handed it to Dean. "Uncle Bobby gave me this, for Dad, but he lied, and didn't come home, so I want you to have it."_

" _You sure? You don't wanna save it for Dad?"_

" _No, I want you to have it, Dad doesn't care anyhow."_

" _Dean took it, opening it, finding an amulet hanging on a rope. "Sammy! I love it!" Dean exclaimed as he put it around his neck._

 _He had never been given a gift before, well not since Mom left. He stopped mattering that night, but right now, he felt like he mattered. He felt like the luckiest kid alive! He felt special. His little brother loved him enough that he gave him a gift, an actual, real gift!_

" _You sure? You're not just saying that?"_

" _Pinky promise! I love it Sammy!"_

 _Dean had a huge smile on his face, which made him feel even worse about the girly gifts he got Sam, but he figured he'd make it up to him, eventually._

 _He fixed his brother a bowl of cereal, making him eat his breakfast._

" _Aren't you going to eat, Dean?"_

" _Nah, I'm not hungry right now, besides, as much as you're growing, you need to eat more than I do." Dean replied as he ruffled his brother's hair._

 _The morning went on like a normal day, Dean kept an eye out the window, making sure the man with the gun didn't come and checking to see if Dad had made it back yet. The day drug on, Dean fixed the last bowl of cereal for Sammy for lunch. He didn't know what he was going to do for dinner, he didn't know how he was going to feed Sam. Dean hadn't eaten all day, but he wasn't as worried about himself._

 _Sam broke into his thoughts by asking where their dad was and what he was doing. Dean gave him the same line he always did, but this time Sam didn't believe him. He had gone to the bed and pulled out his dad's journal._

" _That's Dad's what are you doing with it? He's going to kick your ass!"_

" _I don't care! I want to know the truth, Dean. Is this real? Is this what Dad does? Is that where he's at now?"_

 _Dean hated this, he didn't want to tell his brother the truth, he knew it would ruin him, it would take away his childhood, the same way it did Dean's, but he also couldn't lie to his brother, not about something as big as this._

" _Yes."_

 _Sam's eyes began to water._

" _You have to understand, Sammy, we have the coolest Dad ever! He's a superhero! He helps save so many people. Yes, the monsters are real, but Dad protects us, and everyone else from them."_

" _Is Santa real?"_

" _No, Santa isn't real, besides he's not a monster."_

" _Are there monsters here? Are they going to hurt us?"_

" _No."_

" _How do you know? Dad isn't here protecting us."_

" _But I am, and I won't let anything hurt you."_

 _Sam laid down, rolling over so his back was facing Dean. "I just want to be left alone."_

" _It'll get better, Sammy, I promise. And, I won't let anything happen to you, I'll keep you safe."_

 _In a way, Dean was thankful Sam cried himself to sleep. He didn't have to worry about figuring out dinner, his next problem would be breakfast, but he figured if Dad wasn't back by then, he would call Pastor Jim or Uncle Bobby. If Dad wasn't back by morning then he would be an entire day later than he promised, and that was cause for concern, plus he had to somehow feed Sam, and that was the only thing he could think of._

 _He laid in his bed, his tummy feeling sick from being so empty. He wished his mom was there. She would know how to make things better. She would know how to help Sammy understand the monsters and what their dad did. And, she would know how to feed them. Dean was so hungry! He thought about sneaking out, seeing what dumpsters he could fine, or trashcans, full of food. It was Christmas day after all, and he knew several people would have big meals and end up throwing away lots of food._

 _He could almost taste the food that would be dumped in the trash all over town. He figured he could probably gather enough food for him and Sam to have a feast. But, he couldn't leave Sammy, he had promised he would protect him, and if he woke up with Dean gone he would probably be scared. So, Dean stayed, laying in his bed, willing the sickness to go away. He had tried to keep his stomach full by drinking glasses of water, which helped at first, but had stopped working around lunch time._

 _He felt so helpless. He didn't know what to do. He was, after all, just a little boy. He heard some noises outside, and went to the window to see a father and son playing in the lightly falling snow. He had obviously got a new remote control truck for Christmas and him and his dad had decided to take it outside for a test drive._

 _Dean felt a jealousy he hadn't felt before. He stood there, watching the father and son, wishing that could be him. He wished he could have a toy, the truck looked really cool. And, he wished he could have a dad who was at least home, even if he wouldn't play with them, just being there would have been good enough._

 _The two seemed to be having so much fun, enjoying each other's company. The boy had to be close to Dean's age, and he seemed so carefree. He seemed like he didn't have anything to worry about, like making that truck drive was his only concern at that moment._

 _He guessed, if he had any brothers or sisters, his mom or dad was taking care of them. He wanted so bad to go outside, just to see if he could be invited to play too, but if Dad came home, he would beat him good if he left Sammy. So, he settled with watching them from the window, day dreaming about what it would be like if that were him and Dad, or even him and Sammy. He wondered what it would be like if they were allowed to go outside and play, carefree, with toys._

 _He felt a tear drip down his cheek. He wiped it away, realizing how stupid he was sounding. He knew nothing like that would ever happen. They didn't have that kind of luck. The closest they ever came to that was when they stayed with Bobby and he took them to the park to throw footballs and he pushed Sammy on the swings, but even then, Dean knew he had to keep his guard up, he still carried a weapon on him, and Bobby did the same._

 _There was nothing carefree about their lives. And Dad hated Bobby for allowing them to play at the park, for allowing any type of fun. Bobby didn't know, and Dean would never tell him, but after Dad found out they went for the soul purpose of having fun, he would punish Dean for it._

 _Dean didn't say anything, because if he did, that would mean Sammy would miss out on the fun too, and that wasn't fair to him. He wanted his brother to have as much fun as he could._

 _The first time his dad fought with Bobby over the lack of training while they were in his care, Bobby stood his ground, he was determined those boys needed to be boys and have some fun too, he told John how hard he was on them, and made it known he didn't like it. John got pissed, said he had something to hunt and they would be leaving immediately._

 _Dean sat on the bottom step, listening to the entire argument. John made his way through the room and to where Dean sat, grabbing him harshly by the shoulder and pulling the boy to his feet._

" _Come on, boy. We're leaving!"_

 _John's voice growled and echoed in Dean's ears. He started trying to squirm out of his grip, but John just dug his fingers deeper into Dean's shoulder._

" _Please, Daddy, please, can we leave Sammy? He doesn't even hunt with us anyhow, and all you'll do is tape him down to the seat and cover his mouth so he can't cry or move, so the monsters don't find him. He hates that! Can we please leave him?"_

 _When Bobby heard that, he just got even more furious!_

" _John! What the hell is this boy talking about!"_

" _Nothing! You know how kids exaggerate, especially this one! "John shook Dean hard, turning to him. "You're gonna pay for that!" He said in a whisper, causing Dean to freeze in fear, but when it came to his little brother he wouldn't just give up that easily._

" _Please, Dad!" Dean begged. "He's asleep anyhow!"_

" _John!" Bobby chimed in. "Leave the young'un, Dean's right, he's asleep anyhow, and I don't mind watching him, you know that. You and Dean go do whatever hunt you've created in your head, then come back for the boy."_

 _Dean's eyes thanked Bobby. And John reluctantly agreed, dragging Dean out of the house, instead of loosening his grip on his son he only tightened it. Dean bit his bottom lip to keep the cries of pain from escaping his tongue. He tossed his boy into the front seat, slamming his door shut, then made his way behind the wheel, he burned rubber and threw rocks as he hurried away from Bobby's._

 _Dean sat quiet, fear gripping him. He knew he had a punishment coming, didn't matter what for, it could be because they played at the park, or because he told Bobby his brother got taped down, or something he didn't even know he done wrong, either way, he knew it was coming, just as soon as they got far enough away from civilization. He was thankful Sam was allowed to stay, he didn't want him to be punished too. He would take the punishment for both of them if he needed to. His heart dropped as his dad pulled over beside a wooded area. He turned and looked at his oldest son._

" _We are going to start with a 5 mile run, and I expect it done in an hour. Time starts NOW."_

 _He set his timer on his watch and Dean scrambled to get out of the car, setting the mile keeper on his watch so he knew when 5 miles was finished. He quickly started running into the woods, after a half a mile he turned and ran back to his dad._

" _One."_

 _He said in a puff of air as he turned and headed back toward the woods, repeating the half mile and then heading back._

" _Two."_

 _He ran as fast as his little legs could carry him. By the time he had reached his dad and said_

" _Three."_

 _He wasn't sure if he would make it to four, not to mention five. He had run five miles several times, but this time he was on a strict time limit, one that even the best of athletes would have a hard time keeping. He wasn't sure how many minutes had passed, he was just trying to concentrate on keeping his feet on the ground and his face from hitting the ground._

" _Four."_

 _He was barely able to make the word auditable. His dad gave no indication of the minutes so Dean took back off, hoping he could make this last mile, he made it half way, falling to his face as he started to turn back toward his father, he pushed himself up with shaky hands and legs, 'only a half a mile to go' he told himself as he pushed forward._

" _FIVE."_

 _He finally finished as his body collapsed on the ground in front of his dad._

" _You're late!" He shouted out._

 _Dean didn't care, at this point his entire body was shaking, and he couldn't catch his breath._

" _You should have been back 5 minutes ago!" This time the shout came with a kick to his side. "Get up! I never told you we were done."_

 _But, Dean couldn't get up, he felt like he was unable to take a breath of air, he wondered if this is what people felt when they were having asthma attacks, or dying. That's it, he was dying, he had to be. He could hear his father shouting at him, calling him every name in the book, but the beating of his heart that filled his ears was too loud for him to hear anything else._

 _Dean was only 9 at the time, but since he couldn't manage to get his body to do anything else, John pulled him off the ground by his hair, leaving him on his knees, supported only by the pull of his hair._

 _His dad unzipped his pants and used him in other ways. After he was satisfied, and Dean was even more breathless than before, John threw him to the ground, he removed his belt and began to swing at the tired, trembling body laying on the ground in front of him._

 _Once he was finished, he sent his usual threats Dean's way. Warning him not to tell anyone what happened, that his punishments were secrets, and he had to be pushed so hard because he was allowed to slack off at Bobby's. He told Dean the story to tell Bobby, to make him believe he went on a hunt and got injured. He told Dean, as long as he could keep his mouth shut, they would stay at Bobby's for the night before packing up Sammy and leaving._

 _Dean thought that sounded good and promised not to say anything to anyone. He reminded his dad he never did, that he would never disobey an order like that._

 _Now, here he was a year older, and day dreaming out some crappy motel window, wishing he could have something as silly as a toy truck. He was practically a grown man, what the hell would he want a toy truck for? He had raised himself and his brother, he didn't need a father like that either, he didn't need anyone who would get in the way of his daily routines. He didn't need someone touching all over him all the time. Didn't matter if they gave it a cute name like "hug" it was still touching, rubbing all over someone else, it was gross and not needed!_

 _The father, son, couple gathered the truck and made their way back inside, making a comment about needing some hot cocoa. Dean glanced around, the streets were empty, Dad still hadn't made it back yet. Dean sighed. He cleaned what little needed to be cleaned in the room and made sure Sam was still fast asleep, then he tucked himself into bed, sure Dad would come home at some point while they slept._

 _For the first time, in years, Dean felt like crying, he just wanted to break down in tears, but he couldn't. There was no way in hell he was going to allow himself to be that weak! He laid in bed, waiting for his dad to return, until he couldn't fight his heavy eyelids any longer, and darkness slipped in, brining with it some much needed sleep._

Dean stirred in his sleep, tossing and turning, trying to find a place of comfort, which seemed to be impossible. The sun started shining through the curtains and woke Dean. He jumped awake. He was even more confused as before.

"Sammy!"

His shout caused Sam to jump awake in a panic.

"What? What is it Dean?"

For a moment he had forget his brother was just a kid, until he saw the expression on his face. He was hoping so hard that after a good sleep his brother would be back to himself.

"Sammy?"

"Hmmm?"

"Where's Dad? Did he come home while I was sleeping? I tried to stay awake for him, but I fell asleep."

Sam rolled his eyes, he was starting to sound like a broken record. "Dad's gone, remember?"

"He hasn't come back from his hunt yet?"

"Dean, Dad's dead, he's not coming back. We've already had this conversation, several times."

Dean could hear Sam's frustration in his voice. He didn't want to be punished for making his brother upset.

"I'm sorry, Sammy, I'm sorry Dad didn't make it back for Christmas like he promised, I tried, I really did, I didn't know those were chick gifts, I'll make it up to you, okay? I promise. But, if Dad's not back, then he's an entire day late, and we have to call Pastor Jim or Uncle Bobby."

"Dean? Um, that was several years ago…. How old are you?"

"Why do you keep asking me that? How old are you?"

"How old do you think I am?"

"Old enough that your dumb ass decided to read Dad's journal and ask me about the monsters last night."

Sam nodded his head. "So, you're… 10?"

"Duh!"

Sam took a minute to let that sink in, yesterday he was 8, today he's 10. That means, when he sleeps, he ages. Sam was thankful for this, he was really hoping this version of Dean was less annoying.

"What did you dream about?" Sam asked.

"Huh? I don't know."

"I need to know. Okay, maybe dream isn't the right word, what are your last thoughts the last thing you remember?"

"It was Christmas and I got you some girl presents, but only because Dad promised he'd be back and he wasn't. I remember after you fell asleep I watched this boy and his dad play with a truck outside, and… and I secretly wished I could be that boy, dumb, I know."

"You did? Why?"

"I don't know, he just seemed like he didn't have anything to worry about, ever, and he had a dad who, at least acted like, he loved him and enjoyed playing with his son. I don't know I guess for just a moment, I wished you and me, that we could have that too, that we could be carefree, or if nothing else, at least, be allowed to play outside."

"Hey, we've turned out okay."

"So far, for you maybe, I mean you're the one who's old now."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah you will be again too."


	7. Chapter 7

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 7

Dean had gotten up and went to the bathroom, once he was in there, doing his business, he stumbled over his own feet, falling to the floor, causing his urine to spray everywhere in the bathroom. Sam heard the commotion and rushed in to make sure everything was okay. He didn't know rather to laugh or be concerned at the sight he saw.

"Dean! What happened?"

"I dunno, I fell I guess?"

"Okay, let's get you up."

Sam helped Dean get up and he tucked himself back in his pants, zipping them up. Sam took Dean by the arm and led him out of the bathroom and to one of the chairs that sat at the small table in front of the window. Sam figured, maybe his 8 year old body hasn't caught up to his 10 year old mind yet.

"You sit here." He said, pointing at the chair. "While I clean you mess up."

Dean started struggling against Sam's hold, fear filling his eyes. "NO! please, Sammy no, I'm sorry, I'll clean it up, it won't happen again, I promise. Please don't please, Dad, please."

Sam grabbed Dean by each shoulder and sat him on the edge of the bed, that last part, when he called him 'Dad' had Sam concerned about what was going on in his brother's head.

"Dean! Dean! Calm down, okay? Calm down."

Dean started calming his breathing, but his body was still trembling. He sat, wide eyed, staring at Sam, he would glance at the chair, then back at Sam.

"Please." Dean begged.

"Dean, you don't have to sit in the chair if you don't want to. I'm not mad at you. You aren't in trouble, but I need you to tell me what's going on, okay? I need you to tell me what made you so scared."

"I… I don't want to be tied down, please." Dean's eyes filled with unshed tears, his voice was trembling and pleading.

"Dean, I'm not going to tie you down." He paused to gather his thoughts and sat on the bed beside his brother. "Look, I know Dad tied you down, a lot. I know he taped me down. You've told me that already. But, do you remember me telling you that Dad was gone? That he's not coming back?"

"I… I think so. But I think you told me that when I was younger, but I remember him, after you told me that."

"Yeah, right. I know this is probably really confusing, but I also know you're old enough to understand this. You know the monsters that Dad hunts, right?"

Dean nodded his head.

"Okay, well you and me, we are both older, we are grown ups, and we were hunting a… a ghost, of some type. I'm not even completely sure what it was. If I knew, it would make fixing this a whole lot easier. But, it attacked you, and then, it came after me. I shot it, killed it… so I guess it really wasn't a ghost, ghost. But, that doesn't matter right now."

Sam quickly got back to the point, remembering his brother's mind was only 10. "The thing is, when I found you, you were unconscious. And, when you woke up, in your mind, you were 8 years old. I took you to the hospital, I had to go myself, for my leg. And they said they think it's a concussion, but they don't know what we do. So, I'm sure it's more than that."

Sam never imagined Dean could make him so mentally exhausted. "But, somehow you've managed to age in your sleep, well your mind did, your body is still the same as its always been. And now, I guess you're 10?"

"Yeah, that is confusing. So, you're telling me I'm old?"

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, something like that."

"And… and so are you?"

"Yes, only my mind remembers growing up, I know I'm older, for some reason yours doesn't."

Dean sat, silent, trying to let the information sink in. "So… so, Dad, he's really gone?"

"Yeah, he is."

Dean just nodded his head, he seemed to have a mixture of sadness and relief at the same time. He glanced back at the chair, then lowered his head, looking back into his own lap.

"Dean, look, I need you to talk to me, okay? I need you to tell me what's going through your head. I don't know how else to help you. I need for you to help me, okay?"

"Okay."

"So, things are different than they were when we were kids. If you're hungry, I need you to tell me. If you're scared I need to know and I need to know why. If you're hurt, or sad, or anything. I need you to talk to me about it. I need to figure out what's going on, so I can try to fix it. I'm not going to be very good at it, you were always the one who took care of me. You were the one who knew everything I needed and how to fix everything, but, I'm going to try, okay?"

"Okay."

Dean sat silent for a little while, still trying to let the information soak into his brain.

"You alright, squirt?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. I know I'm supposed to be okay. I have to be strong, and brave. But, I don't know if I can be right now."

"And, that's okay. You're not going to be punished if you're not, it's just you and me, and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you."

"You're not mad?"

"No." Sam chuckled again. "I'm not mad."

"You're not going to… to punish me?"

"Nope."

"I don't have to go run or anything?"

Sam laughed, Dude, you're in great shape, you don't have to worry about that.

"I…" Dean looked back at the chair then up at his brother. "I don't like the chair."

"You don't have to sit in it, it's okay."

"I don't want to be tied down. I don't like it. It scares me, a lot. And, Dad's belt, it really hurts!"

"I know, and I know you don't know this yet, but, you're gonna hate being tied down even more when you get older. I know ropes, and having yourself tied down, scares you. I know it causes you a lot of anxiety. I don't know how much it does right now, at this stage in your life, but I promise, I'm not ever going to use ropes or a belt or anything on you. I'm not going to hurt you, or punish you. You got that?"

"Yeah, okay… hey Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I still miss mom."

"Yeah, I know you do. Do you remember what we talked about? About how her leaving wasn't your fault? That nothing you could possibly do could make her come back?"

"Yeah, I remember."

Sam nodded his head. "Okay, good. Because, it's true. No matter how good you thought you could be, no matter how hard you tried to follow Dad's orders and do what he ordered you to do, it wouldn't bring her back, and remember, she still loved you. She didn't leave because she wanted to…"

"She left because the yellow eyed demon killed her."

"Right!"

"I remember, but, Sam."

"Yeah?"

"I still did what Dad told me to. I didn't stop, even after you explained that to me."

Sam drew in a deep breath. "Dean, like I said, I know this is confusing, but, the things you remember, the stuff that, in your mind, just recently happened, it's all just memories, you're not really 10, remember? So, the conversation we had yesterday, about mom, didn't take place until yesterday, after you were grown. You can't change the past, you can't change what you've done, or didn't do."

"I'm so confused!"

"I know you are buddy! So, lets just take it as it is, okay? Let's just make it through the day, try to figure out what's going on with you, and get you back to the big brother I know and love. But, first, how about we go get some food?"

"I'm game! I'm starving!"

Sam chuckled. "Guess I'll have to drive again, huh?"

"I can drive! I know how."

"Good! Uh, are you any good at driving?"

"Of course I am! Dad taught me, and he's let me drive lots of times. And, with this body, I'll be able to reach the peddles without a problem."

"Okay, remember what I told you yesterday, about how people are going to think you're a grown up, because your body is grown?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Okay, so I need you to try to act like it too, okay? When we are in public, when we're around people, like at the diner, I need you to try to act like you're grown."

"Make believe, again?"

"Exactly!"

Dean really did do a good job at driving, Sam was impressed that at ten years old his brother was as good of a driver as he was at 30. He was thankful his brother seemed to age in his sleep, he didn't know how much more he could have handled of the young Little Dean. But, this version of him was so much better!

He started questioning, if Dean aged in his sleep, if he could somehow get him to sleep for days without waking would that fix this? Would he be himself when he woke? Or maybe he would just be young again? He needed answers, and he needed them fast!

At the diner, Dean was both embarrassed and shocked that the girls were flirting with him. He was just beginning to realize what that was, and what it meant. Sam had to remind him it was because they thought he was grown, but he needed to behave himself and keep himself in his pants until they could figure out what was going on.

He reminded his brother that a ten year old wouldn't know what to do anyhow, and these girls, they expected him to be experienced, which he was not, not at his age.

The brothers finished eating and made their way back to the motel. Dean parked his baby perfectly.

"Dude! I still can't believe this car is mine!"

"Yeah, and trust me, your love affair with it just gets worse." Sam said as he rolled his eyes.

Once inside the room, Sam rested on the bed, his leg was throbbing and screaming at him to rest. He sat back with his laptop doing research. His phone rang, he had a quick conversation with who ever was on the other line, then went back to his research.

Dean had been instructed to watch TV since he couldn't stop asking Sam about the new technology sitting in his lap. He wanted to know everything about it, but Sam just wanted to figure out what was wrong with his brother.

After a frustrating moment, Sam told Dean he had to watch TV and let him do what he needed to do. He had tried to explain to him its like having all the papers they used to look through inside the computer, but Dean couldn't seem to understand, so Sam gave up trying.

"Can I help?"

"NO!"

"Can I take a nap?"

"NO!"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you aging, or progressing back to a younger age, or changing at all, not right now. I need to try to figure this out first."

"I can't stay awake forever!"

"You can sleep tonight, and in the morning, we'll deal with whatever we have to deal with. But, for now, I need to concentrate on this."

Silence, silence was good, but short lived.

"Hey, Sammy?"

"WHAT?"

"You don't have to be all hateful!"

"Sorry, I'm just trying to pay attention to what I'm doing, so I can fix you, what do you want?"

"Nothing, never mind!" Dean sat on his bed, pouting.

Sam just rolled his eyes and went back to researching. After the words on his screen started running together, and he noticed his brother was still pouting, he closed his laptop.

"What, Dean?"

"Nothing."

"You're supposed to talk to me, remember?"

"You told me not to!"

"Well, now I'm telling you it's okay, I'm taking a break from my research, so what were you going to say?"

"I miss Dad."

"I know you do, Dean."

"But, I'm glad I've gone all day without being punished."

"Yeah, well, I wish I could tell you that got better, but truth is, it really didn't. He stopped some things, but other things just got worse, but not as often."

"I don't think I want to know."

"I don't think I want to tell you. It's something you're going to have to remember on your own. And, when you do, I need you to talk to me about it, okay? I need you let out your feelings, you can't hold them in, not right now, we gotta get you better, okay?"

Dean just nodded his head.

"I'm serious, Dean, you gotta help me out."

"I know, I understood the first time you told me."

"Okay, so what's eating at you then?"

Dean turned, looking at his brother. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"I don't know. I just feel like, I don't know. I'm just scared."

"It's okay to be scared, Dean. I get scared a lot. Right now, I'm scared too."

"You are?"

"Yeah, I'm scared that I'm not going to get my brother back. I'm scared that if I can't figure this out, I'll lose my best friend, my rock, the only person I've ever been able to depend on."

"Me?"

"Yeah." Sam chuckled. "You."

"Really?"

"Yeah, man. You and me, we've faced a lot in life, together. I'm not saying we've always had it easy, or that we've always gotten along, but even if we weren't together, because, you know, sometimes you just need a break from each other, but the thing is, no matter what, we always had each other."

A small smile showed on Dean's face. "No matter how mad we were at each other, or how far apart we were, we knew we were only a phone call away. Or at least I knew you were. I knew if I ever needed you, you would drop anything you were doing to come help me. I can't count the times you've saved me, even when I didn't deserve it."

"So, I'm a pretty cool brother then?"

"Yeah, yeah you're a pretty cool brother! You're my hero! And you've saved me, so many times. You've brought me back from the dead, you've sacrificed so much for me, your whole life. The thing is, I wasn't always as cool of a brother, I've been more selfish, more self-centered, but now, I need to save you. I need to get you back to the old you."

"Can I help? Is there anything I can do?"

"No, honestly, I want you to sit there, and be happy for a moment. Life has handed you some pretty crappy stuff. Things you don't know about yet, things that will tear you down, or at least they would if you weren't so damn tough! But, it gets hard, not all the time, but after so long, it weighs heavy on both of us, so I want you to enjoy the moment that you don't have all that weight on you."

"But, I do. Life has already been hard."

"I know it has."

"And I've already had so much weight on me. I've already faced things that made me want to fall apart, but I had to be strong, for you."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry life has been so hard on you, and I'm sorry you got stuck with me."

"Why? I wasn't stuck with you, I've enjoyed it. You are… were… the only good thing in my life! You're the only thing that keeps me going when I want to give up. You give me a reason to live. You keep me alive, so I'm not sorry."

Sam just smiled. "And that's why I need to fix you."

"If life is so hard, and just gets worse, then…. Why do you want to fix me? Why do you want to make me broken again?"

"Because, life has made you a pretty awesome guy! And there's so many good things you'd be missing out on too."

"Maybe I could change it? Make a new past?"

"I don't think it works that way, besides, if things repeat tonight, somehow, at some point during your sleep, you age, and new memories come. I think you probably have dreams, you dream of your life, starting where you stopped at, I guess, and once you're done dreaming, once you wake up, you're stuck in the age, and memories, that you woke from."

"So confusing!"

"Yeah, the thing is, I don't want to mess it up. I don't know exactly what's going on, and I don't know how it works."

"What do you mean you don't want to mess it up?"

"Well, like I said, life gets rough. You have some things happen, and they cause nightmares. If you have a nightmare, I don't know rather I should wake you up, or let you sleep."

"Why?"

"Because, if I wake you up, or you wake yourself. I'm afraid, in your head, you're going to think you're living in that exact moment of your life, again. And I don't want you to go through that again. I'm scared of what you'll wake up with in the morning."

"Is it that bad?"

"Yeah."

"So why does tomorrow morning worry you?"

"Well, because, yesterday you were 8, right? And today you are 10, so you've aged 2 years, so if you age 2 more years tonight, that would make you 12, and… well… some not so nice things happened when you were 12."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Maybe I don't want to sleep tonight?"

"I don't think it can be avoided."

"Is that why I can't take a nap?"

"Yeah, because I want to try to figure out what I can, just in case you wake up in a not such good place."

"Okay."

Dean remained pretty quiet the rest of the day. He didn't bug Sam anymore. Even when he got hungry, he let Sam do what he needed to. He typed away on what he called his laptop and talked on the tiny little phone that he carried in his pocket. Dean channel surfed more than he actually watched a tv program. The sun had started setting. Dean was more than just a little restless.

"Sam?" Dean's voice sounded shy and timid, like he was afraid to bother his brother.

"Yeah?"

"I'm… if, you find a good stopping point, can… we… go get something to eat?"

"Yeah, of course, you wanna go now?"

"Yes, please."

"I thought I told you to tell me if you got hungry?"

"Sorry, I didn't want to bother you." Dean hung his head, this would have been one of those times he would get punished from Dad, for disobeying a direct order.

"It's okay, but I don't want you to worry about that, okay? If you really need something, like food, I want you to tell me, okay?"

Dean nodded his head. "Okay."

"Besides, you need some food on your stomach before taking your next dose of medicine."

Dean turned his nose up at that, but knew he didn't have a choice. He had been coughing throughout the day, causing him to use the inhaler a couple of times. The cold air, when they went to get food, didn't help his breathing any. It still felt like someone filled his lungs with razor blades, but his heart was feeling slightly better, not so much pressure on it.

Dean drove again, since Sam's leg made it difficult for him to do much of anything. Sam noticed, every time they came out in the cold, Dean's cough got worse, he decided it probably wasn't such a good idea to keep dragging him in and out of the weather, so, after they finished eating, they stopped at a small store.

Sam had made a list for Dean and he went inside and gathered what Sam had told him to, he got food for them to eat in the motel room, and snacks for him as well, he also got enough drinks to last them for a while.

Dean hadn't ever been able to buy this much food at one time, and he wasn't used to being able to get special snacks. He may have gone a little over board, but the card his brother gave him accepted the charges and Dean was pleased. Sam noticed the look of satisfaction on his brother's face as he walked out of the store, bags in hand.

Once back in the motel, Dean had started a coughing fit that he couldn't get under control, even after using the inhaler. It ended with him emptying his stomach contents into a trash can. Once there was nothing else to empty from his stomach he fell backwards on the bed he was seated on, and without thinking, he reached up and clutched his chest, rolling on his side with a groan of pain.

"Dean! What's wrong? Where does it hurt?"

"My lungs." Dean answered between puffs of breath.

"They still feel like shards of glass?"

"That's one way of putting it. Hurts, Sammy, hurts bad."

"Okay, okay, just rest okay? I don't know what's going on, or how to help with this. I wish I did, but I don't. The doctor said everything looked good except a small infection from the cold, but you're taking medicine for that."

"It hurts!" Dean cried out.

"Does your heart still hurt?"

Dean shook his head. "Not as bad, a little, but not like before."

"Okay, good, that's one accomplishment."

Sam was clueless, but he figured it was late enough in the evening, and there was no avoiding sleep, so he sat beside his brother, stroking his hair, trying to keep him calm, as he curled into a ball under the covers and fell asleep.

Sam continued his research. Looking into what his contacts had told him they knew and didn't know about the messages he had left them the night before. Finally! Sam thought to himself. He finally started to find something that made sense, something that could help him understand what was going on with his brother. He still didn't know how to fix it, but, he was starting to understand.


	8. Chapter 8

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS DARKNESS**

CHAPTER 8

Dean drifted in and out of consciousness. He wasn't sure what was going on. One moment, he was sure he was laying in the back seat of his Baby, the next minute he was surrounded by lots of people. People who where shouting and rushing. Then, nothing.

He guesses he fell asleep because when he woke, he had some man standing beside him. He couldn't seem to open his eyes, but he knew he was there. There was a tube down his throat. He hated when they did that. He didn't want it there. Sammy. He wanted Sammy. His brother would tell them to take that stupid thing out.

God, his body hurt so bad. His lungs felt like they were full of glass, every time that damn machine, the one attached to the tube he was gagging on, made him breath, the pain in his lungs would intensify. He just wanted it to stop. Why couldn't he open his eyes? Why weren't they getting Sammy? Where was he? He was supposed to be here, with Dean.

"Calm down, don't panic"

He heard the voice, but it wasn't his brother's. Of course, he was going to panic, why wouldn't he panic? His brother wasn't there. He tried to talk, tried to scream, anything, but that damn tube kept him from being able to do much of anything.

Why was his body feeling so heavy? He couldn't seem to move his arms, or his legs. He couldn't lift his head or open his eyes. How was he supposed to get to his brother if he couldn't move? His mind, was swimming. He was losing his sense of self. The machines kept him breathing, he felt like it was keeping his heart beating too, but he couldn't be sure. The only thing he knew was that his body was frozen. It was getting harder to think, harder to stay awake.

 _They say before you die your life flashes before your eyes. That had to be what was happening. Nothing else could explain the visions running through his head._

 _He was tied to a chair, ropes dug into his tender skin. Dad's belt whipping through the air and slamming down on his body. He was young, too young not to cry. But, he knew he shouldn't. It just hurt so bad. But, the tears just made Daddy madder. They made him hit him more. He didn't mean to be loud, but he was trying to take care of Sammy and didn't have the coordination of an adult. He figured he needed to learn how to be more like an adult instead of a clumsy little kid. He stiffened his body and sucked in his screams and cries of pain with each strike of the belt. He hated the ropes. He hated the belt._

 _He didn't know how long his dad had been gone. He said he was taking Sammy out. Dean didn't like the idea. He didn't like Sammy being gone without him, especially with their dad, but dad had tied him to his bed. His little hands and feet were tied down with ropes, his mouth gaged. He watched the sun go down, passed out at some point. When the sunlight shined into the window it woke him, he was still tied. Again, he watched the sun go down. This time, when he woke his dad and Sammy were back. Dad was sure to wake him when he carried Sam into the room. The boy was sleeping. He carefully laid him in bed, then untied Dean. He drug him out of the room and removed his belt, after beating him, he made him clean his bed, he had used the bathroom where he laid, they had been gone for so long and he wasn't able to move. After he finished, he was stood in the corner. His dad went to bed, but he had orders to stand there, not to move until him and Sam woke._

 _He hated his dad, but he loved him too. He really just hated the darkness that surrounded him. The darkness that the light of the fire brought. His dad used to love him, now, Dean wasn't so sure that he did anymore. He loved him when he was able to please him, be the way Mommy was in bed. It wasn't exactly the same, but Dean didn't know that. He only knew what his dad told him. He was too young to understand it completely._

 _Fists flying through the air, belts slicing into his skin, steal toed boots kicking his side, knives and claws cutting through him. They seemed to all be flying at him at once. Yet, they were all parts of different memories. His mind couldn't keep them straight. He didn't know what memory each came from._

 _He was hunting a werewolf, turned around and a vampire was standing behind him. He tried to get away but was caught up in the grips of a vengeful spirit, it tossed him against a wall, wait, he was in the woods, where did the wall come from? Fire, there was fire, on the ceiling. Was that Mom? It was! she was burning on the ceiling, at the wall the spirit threw him into. He was saved from burning by the creature that dug its claws in him, pulling him away with its grip. Was that the werewolf? He couldn't see, everything was dark. He heard a baby crying. Sammy! Where was Sammy? He had to save him, had to find him. He started searching, feeling around the ground in the darkness. He felt something thick and sticky. Blood, it was blood. Oh, god, pleased don't be Sammy's. It wasn't, it was vampire blood. There the body laid, it's head detached from its body._

 _He wasn't sure where he was at, or what was going on. Was that a chain, being wrapped around his neck? Why was he being tied to the bumper of a car? Wait, he remembers this, but it wasn't supposed to be him. The car started to take off, faster and faster, the fear he felt, made his body disappear._

 _Suddenly, he was flying through the air. Was he a bird? Nope, guess not, since the wall he slammed into just stopped him from flying. Another spirit? He looked up, it was his dad. His eyes pitch black, he had a dark cloud surrounding him. He grabbed Dean by the throat, lifting him off the floor, he couldn't breathe. He was dying, this was it. A dog, a black dog? A hell hound! It grabbed his ankles, pulling him out of his dad's grip, it started ripping him to shreds. Oh god, not this again! Not going back to hell! Please, anything but that. He felt like he was falling. It was an endless pit. He kept falling, until he hit bottom. He was in a casket. It was a wooden box. He wasn't sure if this was the real deal or just some more training. He tried to break the box, claw his way out of the dirt. The dirt felt endless, it kept collapsing on him, suffocating him._

Then… there's a hand. It's saving him. It's holding onto his, pulling him out. He knows that hand. It's Sammy's. Sammy is there. He still couldn't open his eyes, why couldn't he open his eyes? Why couldn't he move his body? He wanted to hold on to his brother's hand forever. It was his saving grace. He needed his brother. He needed to be safe.

"you hang in there, okay? I got you out of there, you're in the hospital now, you got help, you're not allowed to give up anymore, you're not allowed to give up ever. I need you. I need you to hold on for me, okay"

That was Sammy's voice. 'I'm here Sammy, I'm here!' but, Sam couldn't hear him. He tried again, but no sound, no movement would come from his body.

No, why is the hand leaving? Where is he going? 'Please! Come back! I need you, Sammy, I need you, come back, save me!'

It was silent again. He was alone, no one was there to save him anymore. He knew he needed to get to his brother, but didn't know how. He couldn't seem to move. His eyes were closed but they still felt heavy.

 _He hated when his dad yelled. Why did he have to yell so much? Dean could hear him just fine without the yelling. All he had to do was tell him to go run, and he would, it didn't require all the yelling._

 _He used to hate running, now he didn't mind it so much, he had gotten used to it, plus it was a way to get out of the house, away from Dad. He kept running and running. His heart beat picked up speed. Fear set in. He was running from something, but what? What was he running from? He couldn't remember. Then, he heard the barking of the dogs. Hell hounds? Again? He picked up his speed. The road got darker and darker, narrower and narrower, he wasn't paying attention, he slammed, face first, into a wall._

 _Where did that come from? Wasn't he on a road? Now, looking around, he was in some type of a run down building. He turned, and saw himself, hanging by ropes, his hands held high above his head, he wasn't awake, he had some IV sticking out of his neck, draining his blood._

 _He remembered this, it was when the gene got him. 'wake up Dean' he tried to shout at himself but no sound would come out. He turned, hearing an unfamiliar noise, when he did, he saw the bed, the one in the motel room they had the night Sammy left._

' _no, no, no, no' Dean started walking backwards, away from the bed, only to fall onto another bed. It was the same bed that he was just looking at. This time, from out of nowhere, his hands were tied, he was undressed, and left alone, well not alone, his dad had left him, but he wasn't alone, there were men there that he didn't know. It hurt worse than he could have imagined. He turned his head, and saw the face of a spirit, a monster he had killed in the past, it was laughing at him, he turned his head the other way, there was another monster's spirit, laughing. He turned his head back and there was a different face beside the first one. Every time he turned his head, there was a new face of a different monster he had killed, all laughing at him, while the pain his body felt increased. He couldn't even separate the pain anymore. He was sure it was more than one incident, playing out at the same time._

 _The laughter in his ears was more than he could handle. He wanted to cover his ears, bury his head, but he couldn't he was tied down. He couldn't do anything to save himself. He couldn't protect himself from the harm that was being done. He couldn't even seem to yell, to tell them to shut up. He was starting panic, okay, maybe panic wasn't the right word, he was going insane. His head felt like it was going to explode. His body had so much pain radiating through it that it was going numb._

There it was again. The hand of salvation, pulling him from his personal hell. He made the laughter stop, made the bad men go away. He saved him. His warmth grabbed onto his cold hand, filling it with the warmth he was missing. He was safe, again. He didn't hear any words, but he knew, he knew his Sammy was back. 'where did you go? You're not supposed to leave me, I need you'. He felt Sam's head lean against his hand, it didn't take long before he was comforted by the soft breathing of his little brother. He knew that sound, he listened to it night after night. It was the sound of his brother sleeping. The sound of comfort, the sound of home. He was home. If only he could move, and speak, and get his eyes to open. He figured, none of that mattered right now, his brother was sleeping, that meant he should be sleeping too. He relaxed, all panic gone, he allowed the darkness to drift in and take over.

'NO, no, no' where was he going? Why did he let go? 'Sammy! I need you, come back. I need you to save me, please, save me' he couldn't get a sound to come out, nothing, he was still unable to move, unable to see anything but the darkness that had filled his entire life.

" _Dad! I can't find Sammy, Dad! Where is he?"_

 _John just laughed, "You're such a damn cry baby"_

" _Dad! where did he go?"_

" _I had Pastor Jim come pick him up, while you were out training, I figured we needed some extra training time, alone"_

 _Dean's heart sank, he was glad Sam was okay, but hated his alone time set aside for training, but he didn't have a choice, so he might as well take it like a man._

 _By the end of the day he was worn out. He had run countless miles, did hundreds of push ups and sit ups. He was beaten, his only break was to take care of his dad's needs. He couldn't get his body to cooperate with him anymore. Since he couldn't seem to get up off the ground, John left him, told him he'd come back in the morning and see if he was ready to get up then. Dean was in the middle of nowhere. He was laying in an open field beside a line of trees. There was no traffic on the nearby road. The night had gotten cold, Dean was sure he was going to freeze out there._

 _The field, the woods, it was just like the ones him and Sammy had hunted the creature in. Oh god, Dean was in the middle of the rotting corpse, maybe that's where he belonged? Maybe he should have stayed there. His dad would have said so, at one point in time, he would have put him there himself, buried him to the bottom, and tell him to make his way out. The same way he did with the coffins._

 _He was buried alive. There was no way to describe the fear, he had to kick and punch and claw his way out, he had to make it through the mounds of dirt. His dad, standing by, enjoying and ice cold beer, while Dean struggled to stay alive._

 _He was always struggling to stay alive. He hated his life, the only reason he fought to stay alive was because of his brother. He needed to take care of him. Needed to protect him. If he was gone then Sam would become Dad's torture buddy, and Dean couldn't let that happen._

 _Sam! Where was Sam? He needed to be saved. He stood in the middle of an empty field, everywhere he turned he was surrounded by the men who had hurt him, the ones who raped him, beat him, made him take care of their needs, like he did with Dad. He couldn't escape them, they were all there, at the same time. The faces, he could never forget their faces. Their bodies, their hands. He spun around, he hadn't realized how many there had been, how much he had been damaged. Fear sunk in. He was scared, not panic, but fear. He tried to scream again, to tell them to leave him alone, but he couldn't. They all walked closer to him, until they were so close he couldn't breathe, their hands reached out and touched him, everyone's hands, everywhere on his body. He wanted to scream, wanted to run, but he couldn't._

God, Sam's touch was magical. His hand was back, squeezing Dean's. He made them all leave, now, the only hand touching him was Sam's. Sam wouldn't hurt him, not like those men did. He was safe again. He didn't want him to leave. He didn't understand why Sam had to keep leaving him. Didn't he understand how much he needed him?

He could hear Sam talking to him, but couldn't make out the words he was saying. He wanted to bad to move, to scream, to do anything but lay there. He wanted to get away, he wasn't even sure what he wanted to get away from, but he knew he couldn't stand being in his own body anymore. He needed an escape, but, for now, Sam was here. Everything would be okay.

Sam stayed with him, he didn't leave. He leaned his head against Dean's arm and slept. Dean knew the sound of his brother sleeping, he slept with him. When he moved, he figured he was awake, he would hold onto the safety of his brother's hand.

He realized, this time, he was able to actually hold onto his brother's hand. He wasn't strong, there was no strength to the grip, but he could move his fingers, wrap them around Sam's. His chest felt different. His heart felt like it was working overtime, like it took a lot of effort just to pump the blood through his body, but, he could hold Sam's hand, so he wasn't going to complain about his heart feeling funny.

His body felt lighter, not so heavy, he didn't feel like he was being weighed down. He was able to make small movements with his body. His eyes. They could open. The darkness was finally gone. But, where was he? Who was this man in front of him? His throat hurt, he wanted it to stop, he felt like he was being gagged, like when a night with one of the hunters, or his dad, got too rough and they forced themselves too far down, leaving him breathless and gagged until they were satisfied. He wanted it out. He wanted who ever it was to stop, just for a moment, he needed a break.

Then, there was Sam, his brother was there to save him again.

"It's okay, Dean. Just calm down, okay? It's just the vent tube, it's helping you breathe right now, it's going to be okay. They'll remove it in a little while, but you gotta stay calm"

Dean did as his brother asked. His baby brother, his protector, his savior. He would make sure he was safe, that no one would hurt him. He heard the doctor talking, didn't understand most of it, but he knew the drill, he'd been here before. Tube, removed, count of three, exhale. He was never more thankful when it was removed, they put an oxygen mask on him, said it would help. But, he couldn't seem to catch his breath, he couldn't breathe. Why didn't the doctor do anything to help?

He turned to Sam, pleading with him to help. Sam didn't miss the look in his brother's eyes. He knew he wouldn't. He was his savior after all. Sam moved the bed Dean was on, and sat behind him, Dean leaned against him. Just like before, he followed his brother's orders. It took a little while, but he finally got it, he was able to breathe with his brother's breathing. Keeping in beat with his heart beat. He felt calm.

For the first time since he was able to move and open his eyes, he felt calm, he felt relaxed. He found support in his brother's arms. He drifted in and out the rest of the day. At one point, he wasn't sure when, he had noticed him and Sam were curled together in the bed. The same way they used to do when they were little.

Dean was…happy. He felt safe, he was relaxed. He knew, this is why he fought so hard, this is why he kept himself alive all these years. For this. For his little brother. He would never admit to it, but he lived for these moments. No matter how old they got, he knew he always had his brother. They had a special bond, one that would never be broken. One that death itself couldn't break. And that was a good enough reason to keep fighting. To make sure they both saw another day.

Dean closed his eyes, adjusting his body, wrapping himself into his brother's warmth, into his safety. He knew he was injured, he knew it was serious, but right now, this is all that mattered. Right now, even if just for a moment, everything was okay. Everything was right with the world.


	9. Chapter 9

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 9

Sam watched as his brother stirred in his sleep. He wasn't sure what to do, he didn't want to wake him, and leave him stuck in whatever memory was flooding his dreams, but he hated seeing his brother suffer the way he was.

He had started understanding what was happening, he just wasn't sure why, or how to fix it. From what he had found out, the original family who lived in the house, dabbled in witchcraft. They were huge users of the Ouija board, believing that using black magic they could control the spirits that they contacted through the board.

That explained the weird, unknown, entity they encountered in the home. It was probably something that had been brought from another place, created by dark magic. It possibly was a one of a kind. Somehow, it had gotten to his brother, but he wasn't sure how. He knew it wasn't from just a simple attack, because it had attacked Sam too, but Sam was able to kill it before it got it's hands on him.

That was his first clue it wasn't your average ghost, ghosts required their bones, or remains, to be salted and burned, this thing was shot, and exploded like a stick of dynamite. But, how was it able to get to Dean like it had? He figured, it probably had something to do with the pressure in his chest and the pain that filled his lungs. Dean kept saying it felt like someone had reached inside his chest and squeezed his heart, maybe it had? Maybe that's how it got to him? How it changed him.

 _Dean didn't remember anything from the rest of the night. When he woke up he was inside of the impala. They had left the motel. They had left Jacob, for that he was glad, he didn't want to see him again, ever._

" _You awake over there?"_

" _Yes sir."_

" _Good, we need to talk about something."_

 _Dean squirmed in his seat, uncomfortably, nervousness setting in. "yes sir?"_

" _I need you to understand, you're a grown boy now, and I can't always be around to make sure you're doing what you're supposed to do. I can't always keep up your training. You showed weakness last night, when you didn't keep standing on your feet, you need to strengthen up, boy, you have to be stronger than that."_

" _Yes sir."_

" _Look, just because I'm not around, that's no excuse, that doesn't mean your training ends, that doesn't mean you get to take a break."_

 _Dean gave his dad a confused look. "Okay, I'm not sure I understand."_

" _The training I've put you through, the things I've done, you have to keep it up, you have to continue it, to keep yourself strong, even when I'm not around."_

" _How?"_

" _There's a few ways. Here, take, this knife."_

 _John handed his son the knife and Dean held it in his hands._

" _Take one of your shoes and sock off."_

 _Again, Dean did as he was told._

" _Now, slice it down the bottom of your foot."_

" _But, Dad…"_

" _Don't disobey, boy! I said cut the bottom of your foot!"_

 _Dean did as he was told, wincing at the pain._

" _Good, now, you do that, in places no one can see. You make sure no one knows, the pain you feel, it will help keep you strong, help keep you were you need to be."_

" _Yes sir." Dean's voice was shaking as he put a napkin against the cut and put his sock and shoe back on._

" _Next time, I expect it to be deeper."_

" _Yes sir."_

" _Here."_

 _John handed Dean a weird looking rubber thing, and he gave his dad a confused look._

" _It's a butt plug, boy. You need to use it. It's going to hurt, at first, it will hurt a lot, you'll get used to it, then when you do, we can get you a bigger one."_

" _Whh…why? What do I do with it?"_

" _You put it in your butt, why do you think that's what it's called?"_

" _I don't want to."_

" _Did I ask you what you wanted?"_

" _No sir."_

" _Do it! NOW! Get on the floor, pull your pants down, put your body on the seat and keep your knees on the floor."_

 _Dean was shaking and scared, but did what he was told._

" _Now, put it inside."_

 _Dean tried, but started crying that it hurt too much. That got him a slap to the back of the head._

" _Damn it! Boy, how fucking weak are you? Fine, in the glove box is some lubricant, use it! Put it on the plug. I don't expect you to have to use that every time, do you understand me?"_

" _Yes sir." Dean did as he was instructed and let out a cry of pain when he finally got it inserted. He didn't mean to, but he let tears escape his eyes. "It hurts, Daddy! It really, really hurts."_

" _I told you it would, just leave it alone, stay like that until I tell you different."_

" _Yes sir."_

 _Dean was suffering. He was hurting. His head hurt, his entire body hurt, and now this. It was more than he wanted to handle at the moment. His body had started shaking, uncontrollably. Tears, streaming down his face, he bit down on his fist to block the auditable cries of pain._

"DEAN! DEAN! Come on bro, wake up" Sam gently shook his brother awake.

Dean jumped awake and flung himself away from his brother. His eyes were wide and wild looking. He was full of fear.

"I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry. It's me, Sammy, it's okay, you're okay. I had to wake you up, I'm sorry. Your dreams, or nightmares, they were getting too bad."

"Sammy?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's me, you're okay."

"I… I don't know… It hurt! It hurt so bad, I'm scared, I don't wanna do it again, please don't make me."

Sam scooted toward his brother, wrapping him in his arms, hold him tight. "I'm not going to hurt you, remember me telling you that?"

Dean nodded his head.

"Okay, good, and I'm not going to make you hurt yourself either, that's over with, got it?"

Again, Dean nodded his head.

"I need you to talk to me, Dean, I need to understand where your memories are at."

"I… I don't want to."

"I know, it's probably hard, but I need to know."

"It was… Jacob… he was mean and made Dad mean too, and then Dad, he told me I had to hurt myself, and it hurt, bad, and I don't want to do it again."

Sam understood, he knew exactly what Dean was referring to. "Okay, it's okay. I know what you're talking about, it's okay."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I know a lot, remember?"

"Yeah."

"So, that makes you, what? 12?"

"I think so, but, I'll be a teenager soon!" Dean sounded happy about that thought and made Sam chuckle a little at him.

"I don't know how this works, are you hurting now?"

"I… I don't know… Yeah, I guess, but it's not as bad, I don't feel it inside me anymore, but it feels like… like it was there."

Sam nodded his head. "Okay, good, as long as it's not bad. How does your heart and lungs feel?"

"Better, I only feel a little pressure on my heart, and I feel like I can breathe a little better."

"Okay, good. So, you good now? You okay?"

"I guess."

"If not, I need to know, Dean. I gotta take care of you, remember?"

"Yeah, I know, but… I just… I don't like what just happened."

"I know you don't, I don't like it either. I wish you didn't have to go through that."

"I don't really understand it. I know I should, hell, I'm almost a teenager, but, Sam, I don't understand what happened."

"You will, man, you will, give it time."

Sam was not prepared to have the sex talk with his brother. And he wasn't sure how to explain the whole self-injury thing that he knew his dad put him through.

"Hey, it's getting late in the morning, it's almost afternoon, you hungry?"

"Yeah."

"What do you say we go and get something to eat then?"

"Sounds good to me, but, can I shower first?"

"Yeah, of course."

Dean went and showered and Sam sat and thought about the memories his brother just experienced. He didn't know if he was ready to deal with his brother's memories. He was concerned about what they would be facing while he 'grew up'. "Two years" he thought to himself, "He keeps aging two years at a time". He made a mental note of it, something else to add to the puzzle in front of him.

Dean came back into the room, clean and dressed. "Hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh, dude, I don't know how to shave."

Sam chuckled again. He was finding this kind of interesting, in a weird way. "Come on, I'll show you. We don't use razors, we use an electric shaver, so it's not that hard."

After he had learned how to use the shaver, and finished taking care of the growing stubble on his face, with all of his 12 year old innocence he asked, "Hey, Sammy, if we don't use razors, then what am I supposed to use to cut myself with?"

"DEAN!" Sam sounded a bit more harsh than he meant to, it was really just out of shock. "Dean, you don't! Remember? I told you that's done, you don't do that anymore, you don't hurt yourself."

"Oh, right, okay."

"You sure you got it? You understand?"

"Yeah, no hurting myself, got it!"

"Okay, good. You remember, you gotta play make believe, act like an adult while we're out?"

"Yes! I remember."

Sam nodded his head.

"Hey, Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think people will know?"

"Know what?"

"Know what just happened to me, and… and what I did to myself?"

Sam sat back on the bed. "Dean, look…"

Dean sat beside him.

"You have to remember, it didn't just happen, you just now remembered it, that's all, it happened a long time ago, so no, no one will know, and you don't hurt yourself anymore either, so no one will know about that either. It's done, you don't have to worry about it, no one knows what happened, and it's not going to happen again."

"Okay, good, but that's still really confusing."

Sam gave Dean a smile. "Yeah, it is."

"Hey, Sam, is the reason it's done, and won't happen again, because Dad is gone?"

"Partly, yes, and partly because you're grown up now, or at least you were, and as you grow up and get older you realize, Dad was wrong, you don't have to hurt yourself, it's actually not a good thing, and it doesn't help your training. There's no way destroying yourself helps hunting."

"Then why did he tell me it would? Why did I have to do it? It hurt."

"Because, Dad thought it would, but, he was wrong."

"Dad was wrong?"

"Yeah, kiddo, Dad was wrong. Now, how about that food? You still remember how to drive?"

"Hell yeah I can drive!"

Sam gave Dean another smile, and they made their way out to the car and headed to get some food.

"Sam."

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared."

"Of?"

"This, whatever this is, whatever is going on, with me, it scares me."

"Yeah, it scares me too."

"When will it be over? When will I be back to the person I'm supposed to be?"

"I don't know, Dean, I wish I did, but I don't. I'm trying to figure that out."

"I trust you."

"I'm glad, Dean, I wouldn't do anything that's going to put you in danger, we'll figure this out, okay? And I'll keep you safe until we do."

"Okay, thanks."

"You're welcome." Sam said with a grin. Then he began to explain everything he knew to Dean. He knew by this age, Dean had been a regular hunter and understood a lot more than he did the day before, he thought maybe he could actually use Dean's help to figure this out.

Dean felt like he was grown, even though he knew he wasn't but was supposed to be, but he felt like a grown 12 year old. His brother was asking for his help, he was involving him with the mystery. Dean liked that. He liked feeling useful. He liked being treated like he actually knew what he was doing, because he did, he knew what he was doing, he was smarter than Dad said he was. Dad made everyone believe he was dumb, but he wasn't. He was just as smart as everyone else.

"Maybe we should go back?" Dean suggested.

"What?"

"Maybe we should go back, back to where all of this happened. If our original idea was to go there in the first place, to see if we could figure things out, then maybe we should keep with our original idea? Maybe there's clues somewhere that we missed, you said we were both injured by this thing, right? Well, maybe it was keeping us from finding what we needed to find, and now that you've killed it, we'll be able to find the missing piece to the puzzle."

"Oh my god! Dean! You're genius!"

Dean just grinned, from ear to ear. "I know."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"We have to be prepared this time. The last time, we got stuck in the cold for way too long, both of us with injuries. So, we'll make sure we pack the blankets and pillows from the motel, and carry more weapons with us, also, since we know we are dealing with dark magic, we have things that can ward it off, keep it from getting to us, like it did you, last time."

"Hmph, why didn't we use them last time?"

"Because we didn't know, wise guy." Sam rolled his eyes, he wasn't sure if pre-teen Dean was better or worse than the annoying 8 year old Dean.

They gathered the items they needed, and made sure to pack some water and food incase they got stuck there again. Sam wasn't sure how he would make this work with his leg, but he didn't have much of a choice, not if he wanted to help his brother.

He gave Dean the directions and he drove as close to the house as he could get, much closer than he had the last time. Sam figured pre-teen Dean had less concern for damaging his baby than grown Dean did. He wasn't going to complain, it made it easier on him with his broken leg.

They got out of the car and Dean went to the trunk to retrieve the bags they had packed for their adventure. He stood with the bags over his shoulder, the trunk still opened, and he was silent, and still.

"Dean?"

"Shhh."

"Dean?"

"You sure it's safe? You sure you killed the thing?"

"I'm not ever sure of anything, and when could we honestly say anything in this job is safe?"

"Listen."

"I don't hear anything."

"Exactly! Sam, there's no sounds, no birds, or insects, or frogs, nothing from nature, at all."

Sam couldn't believe he hadn't noticed. He was thankful Dean's hunting skills were kicking in. "Means there's something evil around here."

"Yup, and I'm gonna guess it's inside of that house."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Keep your guard up!"

"Will do!"

"Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"You sure you're good with this?"

"Dude, my mind may not match my body, but I've been hunting, several times, I think I know what I'm doing here."

"Okay, just making sure."

"You sure you're good with it?"

"Me? yeah! I've learned from the best." Sam nudged his brother, letting him know he was talking about him.

"Dad's the greatest."

"What? No way, dude! You're way better than he ever was!"

"Seriously?"

"Hell yeah, and I'm not just saying that because you're my big, little brother."

"Man, shut up!"

Sam couldn't help but laugh at his brother as they entered the house.

The house was the same as the way they had left it. The broken stair served as a painful reminder to Sam on how he broke his leg. The wall that Dean was thrown into still laying on the ground where he had found his big brother, unconscious.

"Do you remember anything?" Sam asked Dean, hoping maybe a memory would be jarred after returning to the house.

"No, I don't remember being here." Dean replied. "How about we start upstairs."

"Okay, sounds good to me, and hey, Dean. We need to stay together, okay? We don't know if there's any other baddies in here."

"Got it! Besides, I don't think you're in any shape to be investigating by yourself." Dean looked down at Sam's leg, then back up at this brother.

"Yeah, gotta agree with you there."

The brothers made their way upstairs, first. They searched every corner in the empty room, and started going through the boxes of belongings in the storage room.

"Hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"Ever wish you were able to have toys like this when you were younger?"

Sam smiled slightly. "Yeah, ever wish we had a house like this? Someplace to call home?"

"Yeah, we had that once, until, well, until Mom."

"I was too young, I don't remember it."

"Yeah, but I do. I wish it could have stayed the same. I wish, somehow, we really could go back in time, like I have in my mind, and change everything."

"Yeah, me too. What would you change?"

"I would… I would give you a home, and a normal childhood, I would keep you from finding out about what Dad did, about monsters and all the things that cause you nightmares."

"You wouldn't bring Mom back?"

"Sam, I spent so many years thinking I did something wrong, that I made Mom leave. I've spent my entire life following orders, doing everything I was told to do, taking care of everything and everyone that I needed to. I thought if I was good enough, Mom would come back. I thought she left because she didn't love me anymore. Honestly, I guess I've gotten used to the fact that she's not coming back, that nothing I can do will bring her home. I just wish you could have had a normal childhood, well what I can remember of it anyhow, and if that means that we had a mom, then I'd be okay with that too…. What would you change?"

"I think, if Mom was alive, everything would be different. I would change the fact that she died, but not because I want a mom so badly, I don't really know what its like to have a mom. I would want her back because she would protect you, she would keep you safe and wouldn't let Dad hurt you like he did."

"Sam, I'm okay. It's really not that bad. What Dad does, it isn't as bad as it could be."

"Hey, Dean."

"Yeah?"

"I know you don't remember everything, but I just want you to know that you're one hell of a brother and one hell of a man. You're the strongest person I know. Even stronger than Dad. You're one hell of a hunter and an even better big brother!"

"Better than Dad?"

"Yeah, better than Dad, and stronger too."

Dean gave Sam a smile. "Thanks."

Sam nodded. "Hey, I don't see anything here, do you?"

"No, wanna head downstairs?"

"Yeah, just be careful, okay. Those stairs aren't stable."

"You've already told me that, when we used them to come upstairs, remember?"

"Yeah, sorry, just making sure."

"And here it is, I thought I was the one who had lost my memory."

"Dude, have you always been full of sarcastic comments?"

"Uh… I guess so, I am who I am, bitch."

"Jerk."

The brothers made it downstairs, and started making their way through the house.

"Hey, Sam, where did you say I got knocked out at?"

"Over here." Sam and Dean went to the wall that had been brought down by Dean's body.

"Son of a bitch! I went through that?"

Sam let out a small laugh. "Yeah man, like I said, strong."

"Okay, so if something threw me into this wall then I…." Dean looked around the hallway. "I'd say maybe I came from that direction?"

He pointed at the door to the room where he was thrown from. "So, if I'm as good as you say, I'd say I went through everything up to this point pretty damn good, at least that's what I would have done, now, so if I was an even better hunter, than I'm sure there's nothing I missed, so I say we start in that room."

Sam stood with his mouth half opened. "Damn! It wasn't a lie, you're a natural at this!"

"And you're not?"

"NO WAY! Man, I had to learn it as we went along, everything I know about hunting is because you taught me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, man, I'm much more efficient at the researching part of things."

Dean just nodded his head as they made their way into the room and started looking through the belongings that were left there.

"Hey, Dean, I was just wondering, if you're so damn good at this, if it comes natural to you, then why did Dad think he needed to train you so hard? Why did he feel like he needed to push you so much?"

Dean paused, looking at his brother, puzzled. "I… I don't know. To make me even better? I don't know Sam, I don't question, I just follow orders."

"Right, you've always been good at that too, naturally Dad's good little soldier."

Dean glanced at Sam, confused and hurt by that comment. "Is that what you think?"

Sam had forgotten that he was talking to preteen Dean, he wasn't sure how to respond, it was just his luck, he had found something of interest.

"Hey, Dean, what do you think of this?" He asked, holding up an old looking Ouija board.

"Hmmm, I bet that's the one they used to bring these bastards here."

The day was getting late, it had started getting dark in the house.

"Hey, Dean, it's getting kind of late, and from the looks of it, this place is empty. How about we catch some shut eye and finish this tomorrow? We don't wanna conjure up any ugglies when we're facing the dark."

"Yeah, sure, if that's what you want to do."

Dean retrieved the bags they had brought with them, deciding the place that appeared to have the best shelter from the cold was the room that once belonged to the family's daughter. He laid out the bedding they had packed, and he and Sam settled under the covers.

They had decided it best to sleep together, using the extra cover on top of them and using each other's body heat to keep warm. By the time they had everything settled darkness had taken over, leaving the beams from their flashlights as their only line of sight.

"Hey, Sammy."

"Yeah?"

"I… I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Going to sleep."

"Why?"

"Because, I don't want to remember anymore. I… I don't know what the next stage in my life holds, and it scares me."

"Hey, it'll be okay, I promise, okay? Look, you've made it through once, you'll be able to do it again, and this time, you'll have me here to help. Instead of being a pain in your ass."

Dean gave a smile that looked like he wanted to cry instead. "Yeah, okay. Night Sammy."

"Night Dean. Love you, bud."

"Love you too."


	10. Chapter 10

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 10

The morning light broke through way too early, neither brother felt much like removing themselves from the warmth of their covers, and each other, but they had a job to do.

"Hey, how'd you sleep?" Sam turned and asked Dean

"Like a friggin baby."

"Any, uh, new memories?"

"You know, same ol' same ol'."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, nothing has changed! Okay? My life still sucks, sure maybe a couple years went by, but it was the same bullshit that's always been my life, nothing new, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. What's up with the attitude?"

"Leave me alone, will ya?"

"Okay, but, we have a job to do, remember? I can't exactly leave you alone."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever!" He stood and walked away.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"To take a piss, okay Sam? Is that okay with you if I take a piss?"

"Yeah." Sam just rolled his eyes at his brother. 'someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed' he thought to himself as he got himself off the floor and followed Dean, to do the same.

They both grabbed an item of food that was packed in the bag and a bottle of water.

"Breakfast of champions!" Sam said as he held up his cereal bar and water.

"God, you're so annoying!"

"So, Dean, just out of curiosity, how old are you now?"

"14, Sam, please stop asking!"

"Damn, you're obnoxious!"

"Yeah, and you're not exactly peachy yourself. So, what's the plan, I really don't wanna be stuck here in this filth bucket, with you, any longer than I have to."

Sam just rolled his eyes. He was thinking he would rather have little 8 year old Dean back than teenager Dean.

"What's got your panties in a wad?"

"Shut up, Sam! Can we just get this done? PLEASE!"

"Yeah, sure."

The brothers made their way to the room that held the Ouiji Board. Sam started drawing symbols around the room, some to protect them, some to trap different creatures from escaping the room.

"So, what's all these supposed to do? I thought we didn't know what we were facing?"

"We don't, that's why I'm drawing so many symbols, to cover all our basis."

"Some of these, I haven't seen before."

"Yeah, you will eventually, don't worry."

"Right! Because I'm not friggin grown!"

"NO, but you're annoying as hell!"

"Well excuseeeeee me, Mr. perfect!"

Sam decided there was no point in arguing with his brother, teenagers were obnoxious, but his brother was a special kind! Once he had finished drawing the symbols around the room he turned, to find his brother sitting on the floor, the board out in front of him, and his hands on it, like he was ready to start.

"What are you doing!" Sam shouted, startling Dean, causing him to jump. "Get your hands off that thing! It's not a toy!"

"Uh, yeah, it kinda is. I mean it was created to be a game, for kids, makes it a toy. Besides, these things don't really work."

"Yeah, they do."

"And, how would you know that?"

"Because, I just do, okay?"

"How?"

"I've used one before, okay?"

"You're dumber than you look!"

"It was to communicate with YOU, wise guy!"

"Me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Later, you'll remember."

"NO! tell me now!"

"You, uh, had an out of body experience, of sorts, and I got one of these to try to communicate with you, and it worked."

"So, I died?"

Sam laughed. "Dude, you've died, it never seems to stick, but this time, no, you were just, not in your body."

Dean had a puzzled look on his face. "So, you're telling me I'm invincible? Cool!"

"No, no I'm not telling you that! So, please don't go acting reckless, I need you on top of your game right now, we don't know what we're up against and we both need to keep concentrated on what we're doing."

"Mood killer!"

"Yeah, whatever, you ready for this?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Sam lit the candles he had sat around them, placing the board in the middle of a symbol he had drew on the floor. He placed his hands on the object, Dean followed his lead, doing the same, then pulled his hands off.

"Tell me again, why are we doing this?"

"Because, we have to find out what the hell is going on here, and stop it from hurting anyone else."

"I thought you already stopped it, killed it."

"But, what if there's more?"

"Doesn't seem like there is, the place seems pretty quiet to me."

"Remember, the lack of nature making noises outside? A sign that something evil is around?"

"Oh. Yeah. Well, maybe it left?"

"Or… maybe, and I'm just saying MAYBE, judging by your attitude today, that something evil could be YOU!"

"Bitch!"

"Jerk! Come on, lets get this done! I don't like things like this, so the sooner we can get it done, the better off we'll be." 

"I'm not doing anything with you!"

"Come on Dean, if for nothing else, we gotta get you back to being yourself."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Then I'll either make you, or I'll strangle you, whichever comes first."

"You're an ass!"

"Yeah, and you're an obnoxious teenager that I can't even begin to comprehend how the hell Dad put up with you!"

"He didn't!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"Dean, what's that supposed to mean?"

"I said NOTHING, okay, now just drop it!" Dean sat back down, placing his hands on the board. "Let's just get this shit done, okay?"

"Dean, what does 'he didn't' mean?"

"It means the same thing it's always meant, hard ass training and even longer nights. I don't have a chance to annoy him, okay? And the more I'm around him, the longer and harder it all becomes, that way he doesn't have to deal with me, the same way you don't want to, now, can we please get this done?"

"Dean, it's not that I don't want to deal with you…"

"Yes it is."

"Dean!"

Silence, Dean remained seated, his hands on the board, he had decided he was done talking. He was stuck in the mindset of a 14 year old. When he was 14, he couldn't do anything right, he couldn't open his mouth without the wrong words coming out. He couldn't even breath without something being wrong with his breathes. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and never face the world again.

That was the way he felt the first time he was this age, and the way he felt now. He wondered if Sam couldn't just handle this himself, he was grown now. Before, he would have never imagined leaving Sam to do something alone, but then again, he had always been younger than Dean.

He was the thing that kept Dean going. The only reason he didn't crawl into a ball and give up on life was because he had a little brother he had to watch out for, and if he wasn't there to protect him then he would only face the same fate that Dean faced every day. There was no way he could allow his brother to be put through that.

But, now, things were different, Sam was grown. He was smart and strong. Maybe, Dean could give up now? Maybe he could just walk away, go find a corner, or better yet, a hole, somewhere and curl up into it until the darkness of death took over. He knew Sam said he was invincible, but what's saying maybe this time wouldn't be different? Maybe this time, if he willed it hard enough, it would stick.

He couldn't wrap his head around the things running through his brain, he couldn't understand what was happening. He had dealt with it for days now, but he couldn't comprehend the fact he has a life beyond his memories.

He's a grown man, not a kid or a teenager, but a man. He's survived everything he thought he wouldn't, and he's still a hunter. He's still hunting with Sam. He wasn't married, didn't have any kids, neither did Sam. It was just the two of them, their dad, obviously gone. Sam had said so, even though he wouldn't tell him how he died. He said that was something Dean would have to remember on his own. But, what if he didn't remember? What if his memories never caught up to his body?

"DEAN!"

Dean jumped when he heard Sam shout his name, he didn't speak, he just looked up at this brother.

"Dude, you back with me, now?"

"Uh…"

"I really need your head in the game here!"

"I… I don't think I want to do this." Dean started to stand, But Sam grabbed his arm, holding him in place.

"Dude, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing, I just don't think I want to do this anymore."

"This… as in…?"

"This, as in… anything… nothing… life!"

"Okay, look, I know this is hard on you, it's gotta be, because I know how hard it is for me, and I'm just the one who has to put up with you, I'm not the one going through the changes. But, man, I need you right now, okay? And, you're the best hunter I know, I wouldn't trust my life to anyone else. So, please, Dean, I need you right now. You can't give up on me, not like this, not now."

"I'm just…. I'm so tired of it all Sam."

"I know, I know you are, but that's why we gotta do this, that's why we gotta get you back, then you'll see. You'll see, no matter how hard life gets, no matter what crap you may go through, you're strong enough to handle it. You're strong enough to make it through, and you don't give up, ever! You may come close, but you don't! That's what I admire about you, if I had to live your life, there's no way in hell I would have survived it, but you, you're amazing! You're strong as nails, Dean, and I need you to show that strength that I know you have."

"Sam, I… I don't know. I don't know if my head is in a good place right now, not good enough to be messing around with that thing anyhow." Dean pointed down at the board. "I just don't want to mess up."

"You're not going to mess up."

"How do you know? I always mess everything up!"

"No, you don't. That's just what Dad wanted you to believe, that way he had an excuse for his behavior."

"Whatever, Sam, you don't know!"

"Yeah, yeah, I do, because I've watched you my whole life, I know how amazing you are. I know how much I wanted to be just like you, my whole life I wanted to be just like you."

"Sam, I just… I…" Dean's voice was filled with sadness and defeat.

"Okay." Sam thought for a minute. "Change of plans, look, I don't know if anything I drew or placed around the room is going to touch anything that comes from this thing, but if things go south, I need you to get the hell out, okay?"

Dean just looked at Sam, wondering what he was thinking.

"I need you to at least have my back, okay? I'll do this…" Sam motioned to the board. "But I need you to stay here, with me, I need you to protect me, and I'll protect you, but I can't do this alone, just in case, you know."

"Yeah, okay, I can do that. I've always protected you."

"Yeah, I know you have! And you're right, if your mind isn't right then there's no telling what you could bring out of this thing, so it's okay, I'll do it, I've got my mind in a good place right now, you just watch out for any of the bastards that try to attack either of us."

"Got it!"

Dean was getting bored, letting his mind wonder again. This was taking longer than he thought it would. Why couldn't the damn thing just come out and say hi? Why did it require tons of questions and searching through the things communicating before finding what Sam was looking for?

He started wishing he was sitting on the floor with Sam. He started feeling a pull, like gravity, pushing him toward his brother. Like, the board had some force field around it, drawing Dean into it. He felt like he should just jump into the middle of the board, like if he did, he would go straight through, and disappear into the unknown. Before Dean realized what he was doing, he had sat across from his brother, on the other side of the board.

Sam glanced up, surprised to see his brother sitting down, but he was instantly filled with fear and uncertainty. The normal bright green eyes of his brother, were dark, almost a brown looking color. They seemed lifeless, emotionless.

He had seen his brother look emotionless, but this was somehow different. This was like they were someone else's eyes. Like maybe Dean wasn't Dean anymore. Sam thought about stopping, getting his brother out of there, but before he could finish his thoughts, Dean had placed his hands on the board.

Sam felt the planchette, under his fingers, vibrate. The fear that rose in Sam made his body shiver with the vibration. The board then began to shake under them. Sam tried to pull away but it was like something was holding his fingers on the board, he couldn't move them, he was stuck.

"Dean?"

"Dean's not here."

The voice that came from Dean's mouth was not his. It was a deep, man's voice, that rumbled as it spoke. The tone matched the lifeless, emotionless state of his eyes. His face, expressionless. He stared down at the board, not looking at Sam as he spoke.

"Where is he?"

"Not here, not right now."

"Then, who are you?"

"The one you've been looking for."

"And who is that?"

"If you don't know, then maybe you should ask your brother. I've been inside of his head for days, now, and he hasn't even noticed me."

"Are you the one who is making him age differently?"

"Maybe."

"Why?"

"I wanted him to be as young as I was, when my Dad killed me, but he wouldn't stay, I've tried, but he keeps getting older. I can only slow it down, I can't stop it."

"You're the boy, who used to live here?"

"Bingo!"

"What happened to you?"

"My dad, but then, you already knew that, didn't you?"

"Yeah, and I figure there were things that happened in this house, evil things, did it get ahold of your dad? Make him kill you?"

"I wasn't killed, not really, here I am aren't I?"

"Yeah, in my brother's body, which makes you only partly here."

"Technicalities."

"Yeah, they're a bitch, aren't they? So why Dean? What do you want with him?"

"I wanted him to play, but he won't. He just keeps trying to be tough. No matter what I do, he doesn't budge."

"Yeah, he's hard headed like that."

"I make his body hurt, the same way mine did. I make his head feel like it's going to explode under the pressure, but he doesn't even say a word about it. The only time he'll play, is when he's sleeping, and then those damn nightmares, those memories, they just want to get in the way. I try to stop them, but I can't."

"Look, buddy, you picked the wrong guy to mess with, you're not going to get anywhere with my brother. He's too damn hard headed, too strong for the likes of you."

"Until now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're in my house now, and you've brought out the board, the one thing to give me the power I need."

"Yeah, and what else does this board bring out?"

"Nothing, you just keep your damn mouth shut!"

"So, did you decided to start playing with this thing, or did your mom or dad start it?"

The thing laughed an evil laugh. "Why the hell do you think Dad killed me?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me."

"Because he found out I was bringing evil things into his house! He found my board, and beat me for it. I tried to get my monsters to kill him, but it failed, he killed me first. And now, now, YOU killed my monster!"

"Oh, that was your friend? That tried to attack me? And, I'm assuming, attacked Dean?"

"No, silly, I'm the one who attacked Dean. And it was fun!"

Sam was getting really tired of this thing possessing his brother, after a moment's thought, he decided he would try something, he didn't know if it would work, or if it did, how it would go, but he had to try something, and since he wasn't able to pry his attachment from the board, he would have to use it, it was the only thing he had at the moment.

"So, you said nothing else comes out of this board? I thought it was a gate way to the other side?"

"Hahaha, think what you want."

"So, say, someone like, your dad, he could come through it, right? Come back, to stop you?"

"SHUT UP! Just shut up! No one is going to stop me!"

"So, that's a yes? What was his name? William Baker?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Yeah, William Baker, he could just come right through here, come through the portal, and join us, here in this room. Stop you from continuing your evil ways."

"SHUT UP!"

"William Baker, William Baker, William Baker come join us! Where ever you are, come join us, get your son! Stop his evil ways!"

"NOOO SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

There was suddenly a gush of wind, that blew through the room, so hard it knocked over the furniture, and had the force to push the brothers in separate directions, away from the board, slamming them both into the walls.

Dust flew around the room, making it impossible to see anything. Sam could hear the voice screaming. He could hear what sounded like a struggle, but he couldn't see his brother, and the force that had ignited was too strong, he couldn't pull himself from the wall.

"Dean! Dean!"

All Sam could do was try to call out to his brother, hoping for a response but as the force of the wind picked up even the screams he was once hearing became muffled. Sam threw his arms in front of his face, blocking the dirt that was flying around.

There were loud cracking sounds, like the walls were falling down. The sound of wood splintering. Both, the wall Sam was leaned against and the floor were shaking. Sam figured this is what it would feel like being trapped in a tornado during an earthquake. He was unable to call out for his brother, as every time he attempted to open his mouth it would get full of dirt and debris, causing him to go into a coughing fit. He covered his eyes, nose and mouth the best he could with his hands and arms, wishing for it to be over, soon. He had to check on Dean.

The last thing he knew, Dean was a 14 year old, trapped in an adult's body and possessed by an 8 year old kid who was murdered by his dad because of the evil he brought to the home, and the black magic he dabbled in. And now, now his brother was thrown against a wall, the same as Sam, and judging by the sounds, the sounds he hoped was coming from the spirit and not from his brother, it was possible he was injured.

Out of nowhere, Sam was struck in the head with something that had an unhuman force. Something that was flying through the room with the force of the wind. It knocked Sam loose from the grip on the wall, causing him to fall to his side on the ground.

He lost his ability to keep his face covered due to the pain and shock. He raised his hand, touching his head, he didn't have to bring it back down, he didn't need to look, he could tell, by the feel, that his head was gushing blood from the spot that was hit.

It seemed like a lifetime, but just a few seconds, at the same time, before darkness started spotting in front of his eyes. He was unable to concentrate, unable to focus on anything but the swimming of his head. The pain that radiated through his head caused him to groan out in pain, as the black spots danced in front of his eyes.

Darkness, sweet, sweet darkness. It edged his vision. It was a calming effect, unlike the black spots that caused his pain to intensify as they danced around. His vision's edges became thicker and thicker as it calmed the dancing and made the spots one of its own. Soon, all was dark, no lights, no dancing spots.

The whizzing of the air around him, muffled in his ears. He could no longer feel the things that were flying around him, no longer feel the wind brushing his body. Then, silence. A sweet silence. No pain, no fear, no light, just a silent, still darkness that engulfed his body, causing every muscle to go limp. Blissfully, Sam accepted the peacefulness that entered, and felt as if he had crawled into the arms of comfort, comfort that gently rocked him to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 11

The day had turned to night, the darkness in the sky matched the darkness that had surrounded Sam. He didn't know what time it was, he didn't know exactly what had happened. All he knew is it was light, and now it's dark.

He tried to force open his eyes, but his vision was still blurry, his eyes stung as he tried to open them, his head was swimming. He closed his eyes back, deciding it wasn't worth the effort to try to open them, especially since there was nothing he could do once they were opened.

His body felt like it weighed a ton, he couldn't even manage to lift his hand to his face. He tried to figure out his surroundings, the best he could with his eyes closed.

He was laying on his side, on a wooden floor, with his back pressed against a wall. His head was killing him, he felt dried, crust pulling at his hair, he figured it was dried blood, he knew the feeling all too well, which means, he was probably knocked out. But that's all he could figure out before the pain and swimming sensation overtook his thoughts, bringing back the black edges that over took every thought in his head, comforting him with obliviating sensation.

Sam was brought back to reality with a heart wrenching, fear filled, painful scream. The type of scream that would bring the dead back to life. The scream that he recognized all too well.

"Dean!"

"Arghhh Sammy!"

"Dean!"

Sam managed to pull his hand to his face, wiping away dirt and debris from his eyes and pried them opened, his vision was still blurry, he couldn't see anything but what appeared to be fog, his body still felt like it weighed a ton.

"Dean, you okay?"

Dean didn't answer. It was silent again.

Sam tried to look around the room, tried to locate his brother, but failed. He needed to get up, he needed to find Dean, but he couldn't. He barely got his arm to move. With much effort, he managed to pull himself up the wall he was leaned against, putting him in a seated position.

His head felt like someone took a jackhammer to it, the sound radiating through his ears made him sure the jackhammer was still running, somewhere. His vision was still fuzzy, at best. The room looked like it was full of heavy smoke, or fog, or maybe that was just his eye sight? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he needed to find Dean.

He sat and thought about the event that had taken place, they were sitting across from each other then flung into the walls, which means, Dean had to be somewhere across from him, assuming Sam, or Dean, hadn't been moved by some unseen force. Sam pushed himself off the wall, only to succeed falling to the floor.

Damn leg, he had forgotten about it, and his body still felt like someone filled it with bricks. 'Crawl' he thought to himself. He started scooting himself across the floor. It felt like the floor had cracked and splinted. Once he reached the middle, where the board once sat, he found it broken in a few different places, the floor beneath it, broken and splinted with chunks of wood gone.

He continued making his way to his brother. His head was getting confused. The smokiness in the room only thickened the closer he got to Dean. He had lost his way, forgotten the direction he was heading in. For a moment he even forgot what he was doing, until he heard his brother groan.

"Dean! Dean, damn it, answer me!"

Nothing, no response. Sam continued pushing himself across the floor, he couldn't give up on his brother, no matter how hard it was, or how bad his head throbbed. He finally reached a wall, feeling his way down the wall, he located his brother, laying with his body pressed against it.

"Dean!"

Sam couldn't see, his vision was full of the smoky fog that had filled the air, it seemed the thickest around Dean. Sam felt down his brother, pulling his body beside his, wrapping his arms around him. He had run his hand down his face, feeling that his eyes were closed. Sam, suddenly had cold chills run down his body. He noticed the coldness had come with the darkness, and his brother had to be equally as cold.

"Dean!"

Sam shook his brother, trying to get a response. There was none. He knew he had to get them to shelter, had to warm them both up. Sam hadn't realized that he had started shivering. Dean appeared lifeless, motionless, his body felt cold, but Sam could tell he was still alive, he could feel his chest rise and fall as he took breathes of air into his lungs.

"Okay, big brother, we gotta get somewhere warm. Our bedding would be nice."

Sam sighed, he knew he wasn't going to have a choice but drag his brother out of the room. He didn't even know where the door was. He decided he would head in the general direction, toward where he thought the door would be.

He didn't make it far before his body started giving into the exhaustion he had been fighting off, and his head felt like it would explode any moment.

"No! I have to keep going, I gotta get Dean to safety, gotta get us warmed up. Once we are warm, I can sleep, I'm going to sleep for a month!" Sam was talking, to himself, out loud.

He knew he would seem crazy, but if that's what kept him going, then he would continue to do it. All he needed was that little extra push, he needed to be able to see the door, to know how much farther they had to go. Dean's body felt just as heavy as Sam's own body was feeling. He felt like he was trying to drag 2 tons of bricks across the floor.

It seemed like he would never reach his destination, never even find a wall to help guide him. He was starting to give into the despair and exhaustion, until the smoky fog began to clear. Once he passed the middle of the room, where the Ouiji board once sat, the air lightened up, he could see a little clearer, it was still dark, night time made sure to not make this easy for him, but it gave him the extra push he needed to keep going toward the door.

"Gotta get warm. Gotta get Dean warm. Need to be safe. Gotta take care of Dean. Oh god, please still be at least 14, please don't go backwards. I need my big brother! I need you, Dean. Please be okay. Be you again."

All Sam could do was just keep talking, if he stopped he felt like he would give into his exhaustion and quit trying. He had to keep pushing forward, keep trying to keep them from freezing.

"We've come way too far, gone through too much crap in our lives to just lay down now. We are heroes! We can't go out like this. Dean can't go out like this. We are not going to lay here and freeze to death!"

Sam's fingers had become numb, his hands weren't far behind. He knew he had to keep going, even if he couldn't feel anything, he told his mind to tell his body to continue the same movements it had been preforming, even if he couldn't feel them. His body had quit shivering. He knew that wasn't a good sign, that means hypothermia has set in.

"Just… gotta… get… Dean… to… safety…"

He had finally reached the doorway, pulling them both through the door and into the hall, he looked back and saw that the fog had lifted once they were out of the room. He could see where the exterior wall had collapsed, and the room looked like a tornado had went through it. The interior walls were cracked, as well as the floor, and splinted. It appeared the place they sat at the board was destroyed by the force of whatever that was, his dad, he figured. The one he told to come join them.

Sam was leaned against the hall wall, he knew they couldn't stay there, it wasn't warm enough, but he didn't want to move. Dean made a slight groaning noise, bringing Sam back to his senses, reminding him he needed to finish getting his brother safe and warm. He was thankful that his body didn't feel like bricks anymore, he still couldn't feel his freezing fingers, but he managed to wrap them around Dean's coat and finish dragging him into the room they had slept in the night before.

Once inside, Sam closed the door, blocking out as much of the weather as he could. They had already made the room as warm as possible, using what they could find to block the broken window, keeping out the cold. He pulled his brother into the corner, where their bed laid from the night before, pulling down the covers, he pushed and pulled and twisted his brother into the spot closest to the wall.

Crawling in beside him, he tucked the covers around them, wrapping his big brother in his arms, trying to keep as much heat between them as possible. He had even covered their heads, hoping to keep out any cold and only fill them with warmth.

Sam figured, at the moment, that was all he could do. He got his brother out of the room, got them both out of the cold, back into the safety and warmth of their make shift bed. He was exhausted, thankful he had finally made it to his destination. The exhaustion was starting to take over, again. This time, Sam let it. He was done for the night, nothing else could be done. He had hoped it was enough, that it would keep them alive until morning, but only time could tell. He nestled himself closer to Dean and let sleep take over, easing the pounding of his head and calming the freezing of his body.

" _You're going to do as I say, boy. Is that clear?"_

" _Yyyess sir."_

" _Stop your damn stuttering, I didn't raise a retard."_

" _I'm sorry sir."_

" _Now, if you can't do your training properly, maybe I should train your brother instead, maybe he would be a better hunter than you?"_

" _No sir! I can do this. I can do whatever I need to. I train Sammy, not you, me."_

" _Is that a fact?"_

" _Yes sir! Don't you lay a hand on him!"_

 _John chuckled. "Well then, I'd suggest you start your run back over, since you only seemed to get 4 miles before you started crying about your legs hurting. I know I've taught you better than that!"_

" _Yes sir."_

" _5 miles, again… go!"_

 _Dean took off, forcing himself to run the 5 miles he was commanded to run. He had already run 4, but his legs started cramping and the cold air had gotten to his lungs, making it hard to breathe, but now, now Sammy was on the line. Dad had threatened to train Sammy, which means he would have to go through everything Dean has gone through. But, he couldn't allow that, he had to protect his little brother, so if he had to fight through the cramps and lack of air, then that's what he would do to keep his brother safe._

 _John sat in the car, sipping on his hot coffee, reading the local news, while Dean ran another 5 miles. He knew the boy had to be tired, he knew it was cold outside, but an order was an order, and he had disobeyed. He had tried to complain his way out of it, and John couldn't allow that._

 _Dean was tough, he'd give him that, but he couldn't allow him to get soft. He kept an eye on him, making sure he made his laps, he watched him struggling, he watched several times as he almost fell flat on his face, catching himself before he hit the ground._

 _Once he was finished, he joined his dad in the warmth of the car. He was out of breath, which John figured was to be expected after the run he just had, but Dean's color looked funny, and he didn't seem to be able to catch his breath. The more he tried, the more he coughed, which just made it harder to try to take a breath._

" _I figured, you and me, we'd go grab some breakfast, but with that cough, I think we need to just head on out of town, go get Sammy from Bobby's."_

 _John used that as an excuse, but he had a twisting feeling in his gut, one that said Dean wasn't okay. But, he avoided hospitals at all cost, he had hoped his son could hold on until they got to Bobby's. It was only a 2 hour drive._

 _He knew Bobby could help, that's why he suggested it, Bobby understood the need to avoid hospitals as a hunter. John drove as fast as he could as his oldest son continued to fight to breathe. He had quit coughing as much, but was still out of breath, gasping for air._

" _You okay over there?"_

" _Y…yes…ss…sir."_

" _Don't lie, boy."_

" _I… I'm..sss…sorry."_

" _I asked if you were okay."_

" _I…. cc..can't… breathe."_

" _Just take some slow, deep breathes, keep your heart rate down."_

" _try'n."_

" _Okay, it'll be okay, we are about half way there, you think you can hang on that long?"_

" _Y…yes…sir."_

" _Good boy."_

 _John kept an eye on Dean the entire drive, making sure his son continued to breathe, even if he was struggling, as long as he was getting some air in, he'd be okay. His face was pale, almost had a blue tint to it, which concerned John, he had called Bobby, let him know they were on their way._

 _He told him Dean was out in the cold too long, chasing after the latest supernatural creature, and had started struggling with breathing and it had gotten worse the longer it continued, warning him he was going to need his help when they arrived. Dean heard his dad's conversation with Bobby. He knew the story he had to stick with. John didn't even have to tell him, he already knew that Dean knew._

 _Once they arrived, Bobby was there, opening Dean's door, helping him out. He had to practically carry the boy to the house._

" _What the hell, John! This kid needs a damn hospital!"_

" _Yeah, well, you know that ain't gonna happen!"_

" _You're going to end up killing him, if you're not careful!"_

" _Oh, hogwash! He's tougher than that."_

 _Bobby had gotten a breathing machine out, filled it with medicine and placed the mask on Dean's face. He had laid him down on the couch, placing pillows under his head and upper body, keeping him laying at an angle and not flat._

" _Here, ya go, Dean, just relax, okay? This will help you breathe." He looked up and saw Sam standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Hey, Sam, why don't you go get a couple covers to put on your brother? He feels cold as hell." He then looked over at John. "which I don't understand, since you just drove 2 hours in a heated car!"_

 _John just rolled his eyes at Bobby. "Sam, when you're done, pack your stuff, we're leaving once Dean's done with that machine."_

 _Sam didn't say anything, he just huffed up the stairs and brought back the covers for Dean, he gave his dad a hateful look, but still didn't speak. He also didn't go pack his things, he sat on the floor beside his brother._

" _BOY! I gave you an order and I expect you to follow it! Go get you stuff packed now!" John had rose from his seat, taking a couple steps toward Sam._

 _Dean sat up, pulling the mask off his face and placing his arms around Sammy. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" He shouted at his dad._

" _Oh, I see you're all better now? Being that you can yell at me and all, we're leaving NOW!"_

 _Dean put the mask back on his face, realizing how much it was helping, just that simple act of protecting his brother had left him gasping for air again. Sam had crawled on the couch and scooted himself between Dean and the back of the couch. Of course, Dean let him. He wasn't little anymore. The squirt was 12 years old, but he still had some child like things he would do, going to Dean for protection was one of them._

" _JOHN!" Bobby shouted. "Can I see you in the kitchen, now!"_

 _John rolled his eyes, pointing at Dean. "You're in trouble for this!" He said quietly. Bobby didn't hear it, but Dean and Sam both did._

 _Dean laid his head against the pillows behind him, allowing his body to relax, his entire body was cramping, causing ever inch to ache, but his lungs felt the worst, they were on fire with every breath he took._

" _Dean?" Sammy whispered. "You okay?"_

 _Dean nodded his head. "Just hurts to breathe. I'll be alright." He took a moment to catch his breath. "Sam, I think you need to go upstairs, hide."_

 _They had created a hiding place when they were young, one only Bobby knew about. It was in case anything tried to get them, they could hide and knew that Bobby would know where they were. Since then, without Bobby's knowledge, the boys had used it to hide from their dad, or really Sam had used it more than Dean, Dean didn't back down for Dad, but he would always tell Sammy to hide if he thought things were going to get ugly, usually, he was right._

 _Sam gave Dean a hug. "Be safe." He said as he ran upstairs. When his brother told him to hide, he didn't argue, he did as he was told._

 _Meanwhile, the screaming match coming from the kitchen had sent chills of fear down both brothers. Sam knew Dean would be in trouble, but he also knew Dad wouldn't do anything in front of Bobby, and if he couldn't find Sam then they couldn't leave. Dean jumped as his dad stormed out of the kitchen._

" _Where the hell is your brother?"_

 _He shouted at Dean, receiving only a shoulder shrug as response. Without even thinking, John stormed over to Dean, ripping the mask off of him, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, pulling him up wards, off the couch, leaving him dangling in his grip._

" _I asked you a question, boy, where the hell is your brother?"_

" _John!" Bobby stepped in before Dean even had a chance to answer, "I'd suggest you put that boy down, now, before I fill you full of bullet holes."_

 _John dropped Dean, unexpected by him, causing him to fall face first onto the floor as his body denied him the ability to catch himself. He rolled over, sitting with his back against the couch._

" _You threatening me? You gonna shoot me?"_

" _If you continue to stand there, we'll find out, won't we?" Bobby stood there with a shot gun pointed at his long time friend. "I'd suggest you leave, and go calm yourself down, and if I were you, I'd wait a few days before you try to come back for your boys, and that's going to depend how that one is feeling!" Bobby pointed down at Dean._

 _Dean wanted to jump up, tell his dad it was going to be okay, and leave with him, he figured things would be a lot smoother that way, but he couldn't move, he was frozen in place. He was barely able to breathe, his body ached and his lungs were burning. He just wanted to cry, but no boy of John's cried._

" _You better be ready to go when I come back for you!" John told Dean, he then turned around and walked out the door._

 _Dean remained frozen until he heard the rumbling of the engine and his dad throwing gravel as he hauled ass out of Bobby's._

" _Where's your brother?" Bobby turned around and asked Dean._

" _Hiding."_

 _Bobby nodded his head. "Come on, lets get you settled back down."_

 _He helped get Dean back in his previous position on the couch, putting back on the mask that was giving him some much-needed oxygen mixed with medication. Once he was settled, Bobby headed upstairs to get Sam. Dean figured he had fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, Bobby was in the kitchen cooking and Sam was sitting in the middle of a pile of books._

" _Sammy?"_

" _Dean!"_

" _You alright?"_

" _Yeah, you?"_

" _Yeah."_

 _Bobby heard the boys checking on each other. "Well, looks like you decided to join us back in the land of the living, how you feeling?"_

 _Dean gave Bobby a half hearted smile. "My lungs feel like they are on fire, and my entire body feels like one big cramp, besides that, peachy!"_

 _Bobby chuckled at the kid, going back to his cooking. Once dinner was ready, Sam helped Dean walk to the table, just that simple act sent him into a coughing fit. Once he was able to catch his breath, they all ate, then Bobby sent Sam upstairs to take a shower and head to bed._

" _Dean." Bobby started as he helped settle him back on the couch. "We need to talk."_

" _Bobby, I… I can't." Dean dropped his head, he wanted to, oh god he wanted to, worse than anyone could imagine, but he couldn't, he couldn't tell his secrets._

" _It won't go beyond us, okay?"_

 _Dean looked up, worry and questions written all over his face._

" _Let's start with what really happened, why you're in the condition you are? And don't feed me the same story your daddy did, I'm not that dumb."_

" _I.. um… I was training."_

" _And?"_

" _And I was given an order, to run 5 miles, but… it was cold and my legs started cramping and I couldn't catch my breath. I had run 4 miles before I stopped, of course Dad wasn't happy with that, and he told me I had to start over, so I ran another 5 miles. End of story."_

" _Is that normal? For your training?"_

" _Yes sir."_

" _Why did you run the extra 5? Why didn't you just stop when you couldn't breathe?"_

" _Because, he, uh, he threatened to start with Sammy, he said he would train him instead. Bobby, I can't let him do that! I can't let him go through what I have! It hurts too bad, I don't like it, I wish he would stop, but he won't and I can't let Sammy go through it." Dean had tears welling up in his eyes_

" _Okay, slow down, kid. Talk to me, what don't you like? What hurts? I'm assuming we ain't talking about running anymore?"_

 _Dean shook his head. "Everything hurts." He started letting the tears drop from his eyes. "He tells me I'm better than any girl he's ever been with, I hate it, especially when he makes me use my mouth instead of… instead of my hand, and his fingers, they hurt. And… and his belt, I hate that thing! I hate when he beats me with it, and training, it always hurts, he makes sure it does! I can't, Bobby, I can't let Sammy do that, I can't let him get hurt!"_

 _Bobby was shocked, he was trying to take in all the information Dean had just cried out to him. He was having a hard time wrapping his head around it, he wanted more information, what Dean had just said was a lot, but he knew he wouldn't be getting more information. He was going to have to take what he got._

" _Dean…" Bobby paused to wipe his own tears from his face. "You don't gotta go back with him, you and Sammy, you can stay here, I'll make sure he don't touch you again."_

" _I can't, I gotta protect him."_

" _You don't owe him that! He doesn't deserve your faithfulness."_

" _He's family, Bobby. Dad and Sammy, that's all I've got."_

" _Family don't end in blood boy, it don't start there either."_

" _I know." Dean lowered his head, exhaustion was setting in. "Bobby, I'm tired, I just wanna sleep."_

" _Okay." He pulled the covers over Dean, putting the mask back on him, telling him he needed to sleep with the oxygen, at least for the one night. He started to walk away, turning back around, looking at the fragile, broken boy laying on his couch. "Hey, Dean."_

" _Yeah?"_

" _I just wanted to let you know, if you ever need someone to talk to, or to help you, you know I'm here, right?"_

 _Dean gave Bobby a smile. "Yeah, thanks."_

 _Bobby turned and shut the lights off, making sure his door was locked, and headed to his room. Dean would never know, but that night Bobby cried himself to sleep, he hurt for the boy downstairs, his heart broke with the knowledge of the hell he has to live in._


	12. Chapter 12

**CARRY ON WAYWARD ROAD**

 **BACK TO THE BEGINNING**

CHAPTER 12

Dean stirred in his sleep as his body warmed, Sam just rolled with his movements, too cold and exhausted to put in any effort to wake. Their heads still covered, unaware if the sun had come out or not. They had been through a lot, and Sam felt like his body was still unthawing.

Dean's memories were coming with a vengeance. He was 14 when he was last awake, and now, his mind was trying to play catch up, he went through the years like a whirl wind. Remembering every painful memory, at this stage in his life, there was very few happy memories, but the ones there were, he cherished. And, they all involved his little brother.

" _Run, Sammy, Run, I'm gonna get you!"_

 _Dean shouted out as he spotted his brother's hiding place and raced after him before he could get to base. It took a couple turns but eventually Dean was able to catch his brother, filling him with lots of tickles before letting him go. Then, it was Sam's turn._

 _Dean knew he had been trained to hide, so he took it easy on his brother. But, this was Dean's way of teaching Sam. He showed him some good hiding places, and would explain to him why every place that was used either was or wasn't a good place to hide._

 _Dean always made sure Sam understood the reasons, and the next time he hid, he tried to find an even better place, one that followed the reasons why it would be a good place. Dean would explain to him some places he thought of hiding, but because Sam was still learning, he chose not to use them, but he explained to his brother why they would have been perfect places and how hard it would be to find anyone there._

 _Sam enjoyed learning from his big brother. He had seen his dad train Dean, and Dean was nothing like that. He was always gentle, and kind, and understanding. He took the time to teach him and explain things to him._

 _Dad, he'd just beat Dean until he figured it out, but Dean never raised a hand to Sam. Even when their dad would make them fight each other, Dean would go easy on Sam and let him win. He'd usually get beat by Dad after he lost, but he told Sam he didn't mind, that it didn't bother him anymore, but, Dean would take those moments to teach his brother different fighting techniques and would let him practice his punches, he also used the opportunity to hit his brother back, not too hard, of course, but he would show him how easy it would be for someone to take him down if he didn't pay attention or guard himself enough._

 _He wasn't able to say too much while their dad was watching, but afterwards, he would always go someplace, alone with Sam, and sit and explain the techniques that were used and the reasonings behind everything that was done. He would also show him things he did wrong, and help him perfect them. He wanted his brother to be safe. He wanted him to know how to defend himself._

 _Dean and Sam didn't see Bobby anymore, not after their dad came back for them. Dean had gotten pneumonia from the 9 mile run he was forced to do. He wasn't completely better when John returned, but he knew they had to go. He had taken the time he was there and talked to Bobby, more in depth, about things that have happened in his life._

 _Bobby wasn't happy with it, but had promised Dean it was a safe place and he wouldn't let anyone know what they talked about. He always trusted Bobby, and hated that they didn't get to see him anymore._

 _Dean had turned 18, 'four more years' he said to himself, 'four more years and I can get the hell outta here' the thought to leave when he turned 18 was never even an option. He couldn't leave his brother. He had to stay, had to protect him._

 _He didn't realize that things would change between him and Dad. They got along better. Dad treated him more like a man, instead of a child, he had quit training him, and told him now that he was a man, he should know everything he needed to know._

 _But, Sam was still young, Dean continued to train him. John had offered to take over, but Dean put up his defenses and wouldn't let anyone else train, or touch, his brother. Sam was 14 and Dad allowed him to go on a few hunts with them. But, usually he was left alone, he hated it, Dean was going on hunts on a regular basis when he was 14._

 _It just wasn't fair. But, Dean told him he needed to concentrate on his school work, that he was safer if he stayed behind. Dean always tried to ease things over with his brother. All he ever wanted was for that kid to be happy, and as normal as he could be, given the life he had. Of course, Sam always found something to complain about._

 _Dean couldn't count the times he had stood between Sam and their dad, how many times he received a punch that was meant for his little brother. Sam had a way of pissing Dad off. He never seemed to be happy and complained about everything._

 _Dean tried, he really did, but Sam just couldn't understand what fine line he was walking. He didn't care, he wanted his voice to be heard, he wanted his dad to know he was nothing like his big brother and wouldn't follow his commands the way Dean did. Sure, sometimes Dean would get his ass kicked for not teaching his brother better, but he wouldn't change a thing, even if his brother was obnoxious at times, he was glad he was able to be his own individual person, and not some clone of Dad the way Dean was._

 _He knew, even though his brother might have a mouth on him, he was smart and one hell of a hunter, and he could defend himself against anything or anyone. He knew this, because he's the one who taught him._

 _Dean lived his life, one day at a time, never knowing what the next day would bring, he honestly, never got over being scared. He always expected his dad to come around the corner and smack him, or worse. He lived on the edge, even though a lot of that had stopped once he turned 18._

 _He wasn't sure if his dad really believed he didn't need it, now that he was an adult, or if he stopped so Dean wouldn't leave. Either way, he was always uncertain of when his dad would stop being nice, and go back to his old ways. He even hooked up with the women as much as Dean did, not requiring him anymore._

 _That, he had hoped would never start again, but he still wasn't positive it wouldn't. The only thing he had to worry about were the hunts he went on, and keeping Dad and Sammy from killing each other._

 _The day Sammy left, was like a bomb exploded in Dean's chest. He raised that boy. He was there for him, through every step of the way. He taught him everything he knew. He even pushed him to be smart and finish school, now, all that was backfiring on him._

 _He raised him to be an individual, to think for himself, now that's exactly what he was doing. He was walking out on the only family he had. He was walking out on Dean. Dean knew he never liked being a hunter, but never did he imagine he would walk away from it. Never did he imagine he would walk away from Dean._

 _His dad, he could understand that, but Dean? He didn't know why his brother had to leave him. He didn't even offer to have him come along. He probably knew he wouldn't, but still. And when Dad walked in, and heard Sam talking about leaving. Dean couldn't even get his body to move. He couldn't make himself stand between them. He couldn't tell them to stop fighting. No sounds would come out, no movement would work._

 _Dean stood at the foot of the beds, listening to his dad and little brother, fight, they were having a screaming match. Dad said things Dean was sure he would later regret, and Sam said things that he was also sure he would later regret, but once it ended, the door slammed. Dad had told him not to come back. And, the screaming was over, it was done. Sam was gone._

 _The door slammed behind him. He didn't even realize his dad had started screaming at him, he was too busy staring at the door, the last place he saw his brother. The last place he would possibly ever see his brother again._

 _His dad stormed out of the room not long after Sam was gone. Dean sat on the foot of the bed, he retrieved his phone from his pocket and dialed Sam's number, only to hear his brother's ringtone coming from the table where he once sat. Dean was sure there were tears running down his face, but he couldn't feel them, his entire body had gone numb._

 _His mind was equally as numb as he sat, staring at the table where his brother was working on research just moments before. Then, he looked to the door where his entire family had just walked out. He had never felt so alone, so abandoned. Even when he was abandoned, he still always had Sam, his little brother was always there, he never imagined life without him, yet here he was, living life without him._

 _He closed his eyes, the pain the pierced his heart, and the thoughts running through his head, were too much for him to handle. He thought about leaving himself, not the same way Sam did. He had a gun in his waistband that could take care of it for him. He thought about the loneliness and fear of being alone. He didn't even know where his dad went, or if he was coming back. Dean kept his eyes closed, concentrating on his breathing._

 _The door flung open, slamming the wall behind it. Dean wasn't sure how long he had sat there, but his dad was already drunk. Dean's mind was still feeling numb, unable to register what was going on. He followed commands like he always did, without questioning, without thinking. He didn't want to think, his body had gone into soldier mode, just doing as it was told._

 _He didn't realize what was happening until he felt the tightening of the ropes around his wrist as his dad pulled it tighter and tighter. His other wrist was already tied to the bed post. He was pulling the ropes until they had started cutting into his skin. He was naked, where had his clothes gone? His body was laying in a strange angle. He was on his stomach, but because of the position of the bed posts, his head and upper chest was pressed against the headboard, leaving just his legs and pelvic area touching the mattress._

 _He tried to pull his arm away, which only got him slapped and the ropes pulled tighter. He laid there for a moment before he realized he heard talking, more like mumbling, he couldn't understand what they were saying. But there were other people in the room. His dad mumbled something to him, he couldn't understand through the ringing in his head, then he left. Again, Dean was left alone, his family had walked out on him._

 _Except, he wasn't alone. Who were these men in the room? And what the hell were they doing touching him like this? He tried to struggle, tried to fight, but it did no good. They had shoved something in his mouth, and covered it with tape. He couldn't scream, he couldn't do anything to make them stop, he couldn't get help._

 _He was stuck, like he had never been before. He was used to men touching him, he was used to having to touch other men, but not like this. Dad would tie him down for punishment or training, but again, not like this, something about this was different, something was wrong._

 _When the pain hit, he screamed into the gag. His body felt like it was being torn apart. He didn't even try to stop the tears that were falling from his eyes. The screams, he couldn't stop them, no one could hear them anyhow, so what did it matter? Dean figured it didn't matter. This was the worst pain he could imagine. And it wasn't stopping. He just wanted it to stop, he needed a break, even if it was just a small break._

 _He couldn't breathe. He needed to be able to catch his breath, to stop the tears from flowing. His body was trembling under the pain. The man's body, putting weight on Dean's pulling the ropes holding his hands. They had drawn blood as they cut through his wrists, he had blood dripping down his arms, landing on the sheets beside him. He started to daze out, but was brought back by another bought of instant, intense, pain, worse than what he was already experiencing._

 _It felt like it never ended. He got the break he needed, but it was only as one man finished and before the next started. His mind was fading in and out. He was fighting consciousness. Part of him, wanted to give in, to stop the pain, the other part told him to keep fighting, to wait, that there had to be a way out, somehow._

 _Both parts won. He would fade out, then be forced back into reality by the increased pain. 'Sammy' that's all he could think of. He wanted his brother, more now than ever. He didn't want his brother to see what was happening to him, but he wanted his brother, when they were done. He wanted him to be his saving grace, to help him keep his head straight._

 _But, that would never happen. He was gone. Dean let him walk out the door and didn't even try to stop him. He deserved this. This was his punishment. This was what he gets for letting his brother leave like he did. He deserved this. He deserved this._

 _Oh god! The pain keeps getting worse, he didn't know how much more he could take of it. But, he kept telling himself this was his punishment, that he deserved it. He didn't really know if he deserved anything this bad, but it was the only way to keep his sanity, the only thing that could possibly make this okay._

 _He didn't know when they left, his fight with the waking world was lost as he slipped into darkness. When he opened his eyes again, he was alone, no one else was in the room. The pain had stopped, well he was still in pain, but it was just the aftermath, just the reminder of his punishment. No one was there to make it worse._

 _He wasn't able to keep his eyes opened for long before slipping away again. When he opened his eyes again. His hands were untied, his dad laid in his bed, asleep._

 _Dean's entire body ached, the pull on his shoulders felt like he may have torn something. The dried blood where the ropes once held his wrists was still dripping, ever so slightly. His head, legs, back everything hurt, but especially, where he was just invaded by the room full of men. He felt like his insides were torn out._

 _He rolled off the bed, silently, making his way to his bag, retrieving clean clothes. He was too weak and shaky to stand, he never thought he would be reduced to crawling, but here he was, on the nasty floor, making his way to the bathroom, and soaking under a hot shower._

 _Once he was finished, after the water had turned cold, he was determined, no matter what it took, he was going to walk out of the bathroom. He wasn't going to allow himself to be reduced to carpet trash. He was still wobbling on his feet, but he managed to walk into the room with the beds._

 _He was shocked to see his dad awake and dressed, bags were packed._

 _Not a word was spoken about that night. His dad said they had a hunt to get to, and made Dean leave, instantly. He didn't give him time to rest, didn't give him time to find his balance on his feet. But, Dean was sure, no matter how hard he tried, there was no way his dad could miss the uncomfortableness Dean was experiencing sitting in the seat of the car for so long. But, still nothing was ever said._

Dean started fighting more in his sleep, causing Sam to wake, and try to calm him. He wasn't sure what he was dreaming about, but he knew it couldn't be good, he also knew he didn't need to wake him if he could help it. Just like before, if he woke him in the middle of something, he would think he was still stuck in that event, still the age of whatever he was dreaming about. Sam had noticed it appeared light outside, he pulled the covers from his eyes, seeing the sun shining through the cracks in the boarded up window. Judging by the color of it, it was possible it was beginning to set, had they really slept through the entire day?

He figured, if they had, then they definitely needed it. And, if the sun was going down, they would be stuck there another night. It would be getting dark and cold soon, and Dean was in no place that Sam could wake him, they would just have to wait for morning before leaving.

He heard the birds outside, settling into their warm nests, and the sounds of what bugs lived through the winter. He smiled at that. He was never more thankful to hear the sounds of nature. That meant whatever was evil, he assumed the thing that possessed his brother, was gone. And nature knew it was gone, which meant, with the exception of the freezing temperatures, they were safe. Sam covered his eyes back up, snuggling into the warmth of this sleeping brother.

 _Dean never went too long without checking up on his brother. Sam never knew, but he and Dad would drive by, and watch out for him anytime they were remotely close to Stanford. Dean thought he looked happy. He had never seen him that happy before._

 _He was, obviously, in a good place in his life. He was thankful for that, no matter how much he wished he could have been Sam's happy place, he was just thankful the kid was happy. And, the girl he kept around, she was hot, and they seemed happy together. He had friends he would hang out with, he was living the normal life. He was acting like there were no such things as monsters in the dark, pretending he was one of them, someone normal._

 _Dad didn't try to pull another stunt like he did the night Sam left, he and Dean became hunting buddies, they got along better than ever. They always had each other's back. They kept each other protected. Much like Dean always did for Sam._

 _Dean became more comfortable being around his dad, but never completely lost the cautious spot that stuck in the back of his mind, the one that warned him, like a wild animal, his dad could turn on him at any time. He chose to ignore it, but it was always there._

 _Eventually, through the years, after Sammy started hunting with Dean again, that negging in the back of this head turned to one that warned him that, instead of Dad turning on him, that Sam could turn on him at any time, that he could get up and leave, walk away from everything, at any time, and there was nothing Dean could do about it._

 _The negging got less and less and Dean was able to ignore it, but it was always there, still is, to this day. He keeps the constant reminder that his brother could walk away and not think twice about it._

"SAMMY!"

Dean shouted, shooting up to a seated position.

"Dean!" Sam was startled awake by both his brother's cry and the coldness that followed when the covers were lifted off him. "Dean, you okay?"

Dean looked shell shocked, he looked confused. "I… I… You're still here?"

"Yeah, of course I'm still here, where am I supposed to be?"

"I don't know." Dean reached out, giving his brother a tight hug.

"Dude, are you alright?"

"I don't know, my head is killing me, and my brain feels like… I don't know."

"Okay, so that's the feeling you get when you actually use that thing inside your skull."

"Yeah, yeah, smartass!"

"So, uh, how old are you now?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, I'm back to myself."

Sam sighed a sigh of relief. "Good, because you were kind of annoying."

"Me? annoying? Have you ever seen yourself as a kid?"

"What are you talking about? I was a perfect child!"

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that."

"So, are you alright, I mean like, really alright?"

Dean shook his head. "No, not really. Not right now. It's like the last 20 years of my life just happened in a matter of hours. I have a lot my brain is trying to process. It's not exactly a picnic in there, you know."

Sam grinned at his big brother. "Yeah, I can only imagine. Are, uh, are you still scared?"

"Me? I'm never scared!"

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that."

"Yeah, I guess, maybe a little, but only because nothing makes sense right now. It's all… confusing. And, like I said it's like the past 20 years of my life just happened, and a lot of crap has happened in the past 20 years. But, you're here, so I know everything will be okay."

Sam leaned his head against Dean. "I'll always be here, you don't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere, ever again."

Dean gave a quick grin. "Thanks."

"Well, someone has to look out for you and save your ass when you get it kicked."

Dean gave a chuckle. "Dude, it's freezing!"

"Yeah, because someone pulled the covers off."

"How far is Baby?"

"Half a mile maybe."

"What do you say we get the hell outta here? Go visit Baby, get some heat."

"Sounds good to me!"

The boys packed their belongings, using the blankets to bundle themselves in, to protect them from the bitter cold. They walked in silence, and sunk down into the seats in the car. Both of them glad this adventure was over, both of them thankful they survived another day, that they made it through another pitstop on the road of life.Dean started the motor and found his way to the road.

"Where we going?"

"I don't know, anywhere but here, little brother."

As they looked ahead, they set their sites on the wide opened road, the rumble of the motor filling their ears, giving them a sense of peace, a sense of comfort, a sense of home.


End file.
